I just can't take it anymore

[james217]

James, I have shared quite a bit about my health struggles. I can very much relate to feeling so bad about so many things you start to wonder if anything will ever change.

I would be lying if I said I hadn't had some very dangerous thoughts during the most horrible time for me. I actually told my C not all that long ago that I think I understand the appeal of drinking yourself to death just to escape. For once I think I actually understood on a fundamental level why my father drank so much.

You have many issues and they will not all get solved at once. The thing to try and remember is eventually something will change and chances are it will change for the better. At this time we don't know how or when but it is very rare (even if you just follow the laws of probability) that things will remain this grave forever.

Right now you feel like the world is against you. I am not against you. I am not sure you fully understand the state I was in one year ago. It was bad. Very bad. Would you like to work some of the steps with me I had to take? I still have to do the "steps" each day. Would you like to do them together?

and you know what hurts the most C.G. when you type these words I wonder why WAW can't understand me and say these things and not give up on me.

She's already been through this. She would be the person who I would think would understand what it is like. You would think there would be some patience and understanding and compassion.

she said she can't help me I need professional help. this is what she said when I was explaining to her why Im this way. Even though she knows. It hurts so bad. I wasn't throwing anything in her face I was telling her I needed her by my side and support just like I gave her when she went through this. *sighs*

It hurts more than anything in the world for her to say and do this stuff. Compound that with the kids, the health issues and everything else and I'm a wreck. she knows i've tried to get the services set up and they have been bsing me because she's talked to them and seen them do it. So why would she turn her back on me when I was there for her?



No...when I don't think the worst....that's when something happens......u scared the sh!t out of me just being there when I got off the bus.....I had a flash back of the other day that's y I was walking then running....I don't trust u when ur mad or acting the way ur acting

please don't do anything else for me.....even if I ask.....this has nothing to do with my job or us not being together.....I just hate having what all uve done for me thrown up in my face

I can't......do this anymore.......I know u r hurting but I'm hurting too......I'm scared H.....scared of u and myself.......when we argue it is toxic and I can't handle it

I'm sorry......but I am never coming back to u......NEVER.....

I'm crying now.......I can't take this anymore....I feel defensive.......everytime we get in an argument even when I don't do anything wrong....a person shouldn't have to live like that

A month of good things is not gonna make up for the othe times.....

I'm scared to be around sometime...because I don't know how the conversation is gonna turn

I don't want to be around that because......I'm not getting hurt when u get in ur moods....

I have no control of u either H......u need doctors care.....I can't do anything for u......u need medicine

Well u won't go to I.C. and do what u have to do........so there's nothing I can do....I'm sorry.....u keep blaming me, I.C., and everybody else is against u......but instead of trying to do something about what's going on.....