What to do when their friends suggest leaving?

[Bummedout]

Ok, well, lets pretend for a minute best case scenario has happened and the situation with your W and her friend has been solved in a way that is suitable to you. Then what? What else do you feel needs to be addressed in the R you share with your W?

I ask this because if your efforts to mitigate the damage you feel your W's friend is causing and the steps you have taken to rectify this problem have not worked maybe there is something else you can focus on.

Well . . . that's a good question. One thing people seem to keep forgetting is that I have read Michele's first book. It's been awhile, but some of it is retained. In hindsight, I think possibly the reason a few minutes after I had told my Wife I didn't want her discussing it with her friends I apologized and pulled back might have been something in the first book, not sure really. Maybe my ego (according to a few here) turned off for a sec and I accidentally did the right thing there, who knows.

Where to go supposing that 'the friend situation' has an outcome I'd desire, I'm not sure, right now my 'plan' is to play it by ear, and when in doubt, try to do nothing . . .at least until I find out what I should probably do. What I'm doing now is just kinda leaving it alone.

My concurrence to her about the possibility she might be right, we really should possibly separate (which I have mentioned and nobody had anything to say about it, too busy ripping on me, I guess) seems to have rattled her a little. She's been more pleasant, even actually initiated sex, which has been rare over the last 8-10 months. The situation is complicated I think by her going through menopause right now, so I'm not sure which is 'actual feelings' or hormonal reactions or whatever. I'm confused as hell, really.

I mentioned getting my own bank account, which also seemed to get her attention, and last night we were talking about something we have going on that'll reach into next year. I casually mentioned Well it might not be "us by then" and that seemed to alarm her a bit. She asked if I was planning on leaving right away. I told her "no, not right this second or anything, but babe, If we're gonna split, it'll probably happen before this thing is finished." I said it casually, and she didn't bring it up again, though I could tell by her face it clearly worried her. I really had to resist the urge to go into how I don't want to go I'll be happy to stay", etc etc. But didn't.

I've read enough here in the last few days to see the "push pull" thing, and I really don't want to get into that roller coaster if I can help it, though if that's what it takes to save our relationship, I'll just have to accept it.

Also, I NEED to find a job, or at least get something rolling on my own. I figure, If I can't find one, create one." Unfortunately, starting a new business in the present economy isn't a high probability endeavor. Heck, the reason I'm out a job is the recession closed the company I worked for.

I'm still a bit disappointed that it may well be "all about the income" but hey, not working does cause very real financial problems, and so I try to think of it more in those terms than just my "being an unemployed lump on the couch"

For the record: RobX, Gooch" I have no interest in anything either of you have to say, positive or negative, so please don't bother blessing me with your unequaled wisdom. I assure you I won't be appreciative enough to "feed your need."

Anyway, Citygirl, I know I'm not likely on your Christmas card list either, but I appreciate you not . . . well . . . . handling it like Gooch and Robx.