First let me start by stating that I have read your past 2 threads all the way through...
Second, I have seen no changes from the first to the last...I take that back, I see you getting more desperate and needy...and driving H away...
Third, I worry about your son, not because his father has left but because his mother is losing it...don't be suprised if you wake up one day and he is gone, hopefully to live with someone who can take care of him and not just running away from you...
Now, I am not trying to be mean but I can see that pretty much no matter how it is candy coated you will take it that way...
I know where you are, I was there...my husband left me with our 3 kids and homeless (living at my parents), I had just lost my job but had never had a job that would have supported me, let alone a family, I had made H my world (like it appears you have done)...
Well, after my pity party, because we are entitled to one...I got job training, obtained a real job that had benefits, got an apartment with my kids, began doing things with friends, and living a life I had not ever had before...
I learned I could be happy without H, that although I loved him and wanted him, I could be happy, I could travel, I could go out with friends...I learned to GAL
My advice to you is to get another counselor, the one you have either isn't working, or you are not listening!...taking AD is like antibiotics, you need to be consistant with them...you may only need them short term but it is possible you will always need them just like some diabetics will always need insulin...deal with it...you can only do so much naturally before you have to do something that works!
You have driven some posters away here who were trying to help...and they didn't even live with you, I can only imagine how much more attractive living away from you is to your H right now...you need to change in order to have any hope of saving yourself or your marriage...
If you truly love your son, start by being a mother...stop by laying the guilt of every bad thing on his father as I suspect he couldn't tell you if he missed his dad or really wanted to see his dad out of fear of your reaction...you are crippling your son emotionally the same way, I suspect you were crippled when your parents seperated...
You need to deal with your past...you have a lot of unresolved issues that have nothing to do with H...he can't fix you...you have to find someone who you will listen to and who has the experience to deal with someone who has your issues...
Don't get me wrong, I feel sorry for you...but really that isn't what you need at this point...you need to empower yourself and stop using guilt as the tool of choice on your H...no one likes to be made to feel guilty...and the usual response is to avoid it...and in his case it may very well have been a self preserving move he made in leaving you...and until you get help and help yourself and stop depending on him to fix everything and to be everything for you...he won't come home!
Until you get help you can do a few things...look at what you have, be thankful you don't live in Haiti, China, or some other 3rd world country that is in a devistating state right now...be thankful you have a healthy child...you could have a special needs child that is totally dependant on 24/7 care, in diapers, and unable to walk...be thankful that you have a home (even if for just one day)...you need to start focusing on what you have...because, quite frankly you have a lot more then most people...a H does not define a woman, she defines herself!
Take this how you will...you are not alone but if you don't do something you may find out what alone feels like...
