James, I have shared quite a bit about my health struggles. I can very much relate to feeling so bad about so many things you start to wonder if anything will ever change.
I would be lying if I said I hadn't had some very dangerous thoughts during the most horrible time for me. I actually told my C not all that long ago that I think I understand the appeal of drinking yourself to death just to escape. For once I think I actually understood on a fundamental level why my father drank so much.
You have many issues and they will not all get solved at once. The thing to try and remember is eventually something will change and chances are it will change for the better. At this time we don't know how or when but it is very rare (even if you just follow the laws of probability) that things will remain this grave forever.
Right now you feel like the world is against you. I am not against you. I am not sure you fully understand the state I was in one year ago. It was bad. Very bad. Would you like to work some of the steps with me I had to take? I still have to do the "steps" each day. Would you like to do them together?
