First off Danger, you need to shorten your posts if you can... there is so much traffic here brief and to the point tends to get more attention.
Your wife needs you to put some pressure on her to knock off the phone calls and chatting up other men.
YOU need to assign consequences to this.
What leverage do you have to persuade her to end the contact?
Children are usually a good reason to knock it off, so is a high profile job that she can't afford to be humiliated in public, etc.
In short, what can you DO to make HER life and OM's life more difficult for them?
Exposure is the most common. Reveal what they are both doing in SECRET to the WORLD...
Affairs thrive in secrecy... public exposure often takes a lot of the excitement away and trades it for stress and the humiliation of being the object of community gossip.
You will need to pressure her to knock it off...
I wouldn't even talk to her, I would put an EXPOSURE PLAN together and then start it... don't WARN her or use it to threaten her, she will just tell everyone ahead of YOU and make YOU out to be the bad guy... THIS is a race where the loser does finish last.
Write an exposure scirpt for the OMW for starters... post it here for some ideas, but get across these points :
1. My wife is having a disrespectful amount of contact with your husband, I would like this to stop 2. My wife is secretly seeing your husband, but I want to save my marriage 3. We have children who rely on our maturity and our marriage's stabiilty 4. I love my wife - any help you can offer would be appreciated
