Pearlharbr - how do I find you on FB? I can't really go joining any DB FB sites as I don't want anyone who is still in contact with STBXW knowing this part of my business. Damn the personal msg thing being defunct. Cottage is likely to be available at Hogmanay - I always have to work either Xmas or NY and as we split our shifts amongst each other and don't really get chance to go away as usually only get about 36hrs off before another shift. Busiest time of year for us Emergency Medicine folks. It will be lovely up there with the woodburners on - I really miss it and am hoping to manage a winter week up there at some point.
JacT - thanks. I do hope you're right. The mutual friend I saw today confirmed that there was no apparent reason for STBXW to be in my neighbourhood, and STBXW had phoned for directions on how to get here from her home. The mutual friend brought it up, so get points for not mentioning the STBXW too. So it could've been either a 'fact finding mission' or a 'get you off my back' event.
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
Well another day done here in freezing cold middle England. It apparently snowed further south today, so maybe buying a BBQ a couple of weeks ago was a bit premature if this is summer!
Work was mediocre, although did manage to catch up with several old colleagues and drink some tea. Nice to see my old boss as well, who always has a smile and something nice to say! More support from colleagues, more "it'll be over between them before you know it" comments too. I'm sure it will eventually end, I just wish it would be sooner rather than later.
They have apparently just booked Barcelona holiday in July. So no signs yet. And I'm desperately trying to keep that tiny glimmer of hope opened up by her unannounced visit on Saturday in it's correct place, hidden beneath a big pile of realism.
On the positive I managed to square away a few irritating bits of work paperwork, the cycle commute was blissfully dry by the skin of my teeth (downpour just as I got in the door) and social calendar once again filling up in the coming days.
Ho hum.
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
The OM had an extensive history of manipulative behaviour - has indeed wrecked 2 previous marriages
Ummm...puke
Quote:
But then my complete opposite in others - the OM is obsessed with appearance and expense, has �5000 shoes etc. The WAW is usually found in soccer kit and scabby trainers, hates shopping and is very outdoorsy and sports mad. The OM wouldn't want to break a nail, let alone spend the evening at the in-laws farm building sheep pens, and a football match would be completely out of the question as it's far too common a pastime.....
Can you say, "doomed"? That is going to get really old, really quick.
I work in an ER here in the states, and I'm just trying to imagine one of our docs messing around with the wife of another. Gak. One of ours is going through a bit of a MLC (we think) and has been seeking female attention. It's almost humorous...but most of us are starting to lose respect for him. It is unprofessional, immature and just downright creepy.
I'm going to finish reading your sitch--I just wanted to tell you to keep taking the high road in all of this. I'm 99% positive that the people who know do not think very highly of him. Keep strong, stay out of their tawdry little game & you will be the hero when all is said and done.
(((hugs))) from across the pond.
formerly known as "shelbel" Me 40, stbxh 40 DSs 9, 7 & 3 M9, T10 Stbxh is a diagnosed bipolar & an addict. The end.
Lees I have just spent the day comforting my neighbour.Her H dropped the bomb on Fri.Had an A in China(he spends time here in UK and China, as the CEO of an electronics company) She id devestated.God is there something in the air? She has decided to divorce him..no going back.. Their R will end but when who knows..you got to put the dating info out there quietly..thats what made the difference the first time I seperated from my H. Its icy cold in Scotland too...did some power washing and some job searching..hope you are eating well????
ME 44 H 45 D 14 D 20 M 22 YEARS TOGETHER 28YEARS Bomb Drop 14th July 09 Seperated-living with OW 10mths(14/07/09) MLC 3years
Silence wasn't golden in this marriage; it was deadly," Dr. Robin L. Smith
Can you say, "doomed"? That is going to get really old, really quick.
Hi shelbel - how are you today? Thanks for taking the time to look in on my sitch. You just reminded me of the TV show Dad's Army and Pte Frazer and I'm rolling around laughing!
Nice to meet another ER punchbag! I'm lucky - I have a very supportive dept and I know my colleagues in the vast majority are quietly disgusted with his behaviour. Some have been vocal to me about it, and some not, but he is definitely not enjoying any social interaction during his shifts these days. I had a couple of them talk to me about it today once again and say they just can't look him in the eye since they found out. I doubt he's noticed it, not sure he's capable of extending any kind of feelers into what lies beyond his own skin.
JacT - thanks, as ever, for your continued support. Sorry to hear your neighbour is also going through this torrid experience. How are you holding up yourself? I find it is food for the soul to help others though, I hope it's cheering you along inside. Good to hear she is in control and taking the initiative in her own sitch.
Re the dating, I have lined myself up with another date for my next Scottish trip - I'm actually starting to enjoy this getting out socialising and meeting new friends business - it's fun!
I'm eating well - still getting through the roast chuck from the weekend, in various guises.
Have you seen the forecast? Have to scrape car in the morning so thinking cycle is the right option as ever. Less windscreen to scrape
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
I am doing ok Lees Thanks.This is the problem I have.Put energy into supporting everyone but myself.The counselling is def helping..you should consider it.Its a good channel to facilitate you own thought process.Helping my neighbour has shown me how far I have come although it still takes up most of my waking thoughts, I am not outwardly demonstrating I am a LBS. The om is a total jerk.He will get his day..just hope we are all around to see ther comeupance.Ugly on the inside, ugly on the outside..there are all the same..every last one.
My c reckons sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind and letting our spouses make mistakes especially when in my sitch(having done everything for him for 28 years)is not a bad thing.She said the WAS have to look at themselves in the mirror at some point and they will break.Also confirmed that there is no way even with an A the other person can fall out of love that quickly.It takes a long time. There was a heavy frost here this morning too.You are an adopted scot so know to always pack your fur underwear! Good luck on the date..you are young tyou should be enjoying going out and meeting new friends. When are you hoping to visit..will keep an eye on the weather!
Keep your chin up...
ME 44 H 45 D 14 D 20 M 22 YEARS TOGETHER 28YEARS Bomb Drop 14th July 09 Seperated-living with OW 10mths(14/07/09) MLC 3years
Silence wasn't golden in this marriage; it was deadly," Dr. Robin L. Smith
I feel that things have taken a somewhat negative and final turn this evening.
Glad you're OK JacT - I did have a bit of counselling early on, but financial strife led me to discontinue. That and the fact that the counsellor I was seeing turned out to be one that had been recommended by the OM and his coven.
I've just come back from the surrogate MIL and FIL farms. Nice time with the FIL, didn't talk about R or STBXW at all and delivered promised Scottish fayre to him. I don't want anyone thinking that I'm using him, especially the STBXW. I genuinely like the old man's company. We've always got on really well. Then went down the road to the surrogate MIL who has seen the STBXW briefly, but not for long enough to really talk to her in depth. She looked better this time - more healthy and happy the sMIL said. Apparently pretty much all that was said was "I shouldn't have got married. 'Friend' said we should've sorted out our problems before the wedding, and she was right." Bloody hell! a) what problems?; and b) well there's a nice bit of script. Given the multiple opportunities to say "I don't" rather than "I do" in the 13 months we were engaged........
Much cajoling and pushing me to move on from the surrogate MIL and her daughters (who grew up next door to the STBXW) followed. They feel that STBXW has commitment issues and is unlikely to ever manage a fulfilling long term relationship. "You're better off without her; she'll end up unhappy and you'll be fine; Time will tell" etc etc etc. They know her well.
It was the sMIL (I like that - it's almost sMILe, which describes her perfectly) that pushed her into paying the money she owes me. She wasn't going to apparently, but the sMIL told her she had to, forcefully and repeatedly. Told her she owed it me, there's no other argument and to stop being pigheaded over it. She also told STBXW what a hurtful, horrid thing it was that she had done to end our marriage so soon. And that she had to face the consequences, one of which was the money she owed.
I guess I was holding on to a little bit of hope that a conversation with the sMIL would somehow help my situation. Give me some answers as to how we went from apparently totally in love newlyweds to bitter soon-to-be-divorcees in the space of 6 months. Hope certainly now dashed. I've always known, but I think today am really believing that it doesn't matter how much her family love me, it doesn't take away the hurt or make any difference to her loving me. They say deep down she will be feeling guilt over this, as they all truly believe she did love and care for me more deeply than any of her previous partners. Little consolation though.
So onwards Lees must go. Have cinema tomorrow, need a night to do some work Thur and then not sure what I'm up to at the weekend but should probably get my trial paperwork and some instructor prep done whilst I have the opportunity. Invited to folk club with the sMIL next week and her daughters are trying to get me to go play guitar with them at an open mic night.
Re the weather - cold again tonight, but hoping again for no frost! Will probably be travelling northwards either 1st or 3rd wk of June, hopefully summer will have returned by then so I can leave the wooly underwear at home!
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
