tired of trying...

[JacT]

Good Shel another step in the right direction.I left it too late.Its always good to talk to people who are emotionally detached from you..all is not lost..This a good way to look after you..

[beingreal]

Jerk.

I had to call him to find out what time he wanted to meet so I could pick up the kids. Instead of meeting at the place we did last time, he changed towns & directions--I'm not even sure where the heck this place is.

I asked him why, he asked me why not. Instead of keeping my cool I asked him if there were any other drop off points I needed to know about so I could pull them up on Google maps now so I'd know where I was going.

"What's your f#$@ing problem with turning left on St Rt Whatever in BFEland??"

"I don't have one. I'll see you then. Bye."

Is this a game I'm just going to have to get used to playing?

And to think 12 hours ago I felt horrible about being mean to him.

This rollercoaster sucks.

[beingreal]

Man, the weekends are slow around here. lol

Okay...now I know why you told me to look my best whenever I see H. I picked up the kids tonight and he looked like hell!! I don't think he's shaved since he left. Beyond scruffy--scraggly is more the word I'd use.

The earlier convo we'd had ticked me off. I'm making my first boundary; no cussing at me, and no being mean. It was an issue when he was here & I'd asked him to stop. Now I am putting it in stone. I do not talk to him like that. I wouldn't accept it from anyone else, and I don't deserve it. I won't tell him that I'm not going to tolerate it, I will just simply end the conversation. If he asks me why, then I'll be more than happy to tell him. But a few times of saying "goodbye" and hanging up after he's dropped the F Bomb at me & he'll figure it out.

I had to call him back to ask him to remember to bring ALL of their clothes home (including everything from last weekend), and I didn't even ask to speak to him. I asked for my MIL. I have no desire to give him another opportunity to berate me.

As the kids were getting into my car H mentioned that I'd have to go up tot he attic and get the rocket from last year for the Boy Scout rocket launch this weekend for S8. I sent this year's rocket with him so he & H could build it together. H managed to lose it. So now I have to go up to the rafters & root around all the junk that he scattered when he moved out. I will make an honest effort, but I'm not going to kill myself to find it. H lost it, if S8 doesn't get to go to the launch because of that, then I am sorry. I'm not going to bail his butt every time he screws up.



He just stood by my car as I was buckling the kids in. All of a sudden he says, "Okay then. (pause) Well. Bye." He got in the van & drove away. I hadn't seen the two older ones since Thursday, was I supposed to fall all over myself to talk to the man who'd just asked me what my effin problem was a few hours earlier?

Whatever, I will not make him a priority when he can't even afford to treat me with some common decency.

Get used to it, H. I miss you, I love you, I honestly feel bad for what I put you through. But there is no way I'm letting you do this to me. I can miss you & love you from here.



I'm surprised at just how quickly I can change my mind about him.

[JacT]

You will cycle Shel.I have been doing that for 10 months.My D asked if I still loved him and I said yes but there were days I could kill him for what he has done.
He def sounds as if he is in MLC.I think these men forget how wll w know them and that they cannot hide all of their feelings.I am sure life at his M's wont be easy either and he is getting lots of time to think..
Its crazy.I was telling Piano that my neighbour got the bomb Fri night after her H had a (allegedly) one night stand when he was away on business.She is determined to see a lawyer about D today.She is livid...God whats in the air, its all I am hearing at the mo.(((hugs)))

[beingreal]

Turns out he only wanted to change the location of the pickup because he had something to do in that area. MIL told me today when she called to say thank you for the cards. He could have just said that, I wouldn't have minded, he didn't have to be so nasty.

"That's what I told him, there was no reason for that. But he got his feelings hurt & he's not over it yet."

He is not making this being apart stuff hard at all. It gets easier with every encounter in which he is a grumpy jerk. Not missing him today--at all.

We'll see how I feel in 15 minutes. That seems to be about how long it's taking me to change my mind.

Is it okay that I really don't know wth I want?

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Shelbel

you will sway back and forth many times, thinking your done then think what ifs. You will be more inclined to think positive b/c thats what you feel is right.

Keep making changes for you. Even though my sitch didn't turn out the way I hoped, I am a better person for working on myself.
My W said today that she did see many changes I have made but since my W has checked out totally there is no hope left for me. And.............I am OK. I feel pretty good right now.
Looking forward to having fun while at the same time raising two awesome kids. I'll check in soon.

[beingreal]

Just in case anyone is actually reading this thing & has some ideas...

I've been reading about setting boundaries & making your wants known. So I'm wondering when I'm supposed to be having this conversation with him?

How am I going to convey to him what I would expect from him in order to even consider working on our R without sounding like I'm demanding? He isn't exactly in the talking mood, but he's feeling hurt & left behind (according to MIL).

So do I reach out to him to talk? Do I give it more time? Do I let him bring it up?

How and when do you communicate with a WAS who sees themselves as a LBS?

And could someone who knows please tell me which position I'm actually in? It would make taking advice easier if I knew which role I'm to take. It really does make a difference, I think.

Anyone?

[beingreal]

Awww, gr8--Thanks for chiming in. I do appreciate it. I'm heading over to catch up on your sitch. I thought of you today.

(((hugs)))

[gr8 day 2B alive]

SB,
your situation is quite different in that you seem to have taken on the "H" role in the M.
I think your are the LBS but have intiated that upon yourself somehow.

Have you gone to MC w/ H or has there been talk about it?

[beingreal]

We went to MC last year, he was never really involved. He tried, he read A book, but he managed to just take from it what he wanted. We didn't get very far.

I haven't spoken with him about it this time. I don't think he would even entertain the notion. I've also asked him to get some lab work done & ask his doctor about antidepressants, but he is convinced that the problem is all mine. I need to be on pills to deal with him because he has done nothing wrong.



I don't know what I am, the WAS or the LBS. I told him to go if he was that unhappy, he left & I didn't stop him like he apparently thought I would. I think he left (although it doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things), he thinks I kicked him out. The ONLY way it matters is when trying to figure out which path to take. Is he going to react like a WAS or a LBS?

Or do I just say & do nothing and leave him on his own for awhile.

I know when H & his XW first split he'd become physically involved with some girl in town (before he met me). I don't know if he'd seek "companionship" right now (read "sex"), and I'm not sure I would even care. I think acting like a man around someone else would actually make him feel like a man.

I'm seriously trying to imagine hearing that he's found a GF right this second, and I really don't feel anything.

I'm tired of acting like the H, I'm not! I'm a female who'd like to feel like the man she chose to marry was man enough to take care of her. I just feel like I've got four little boys.

To my H: Nut up, already!!!

I hate being so freaking confused.