It doesn't sound like she's conflicted at all. She is going around with him and your kids as if they were a happy family. If she was conflicted, she'd be going out with him alone.
Personally I would have that talk with her about your kids. I mean, do you want them to be raised with that kind of idea that it's okay to go out with Mommy's OM? Is that how you want them to be in their relationships?
This is about them. Not you.
Just my thoughts.
That was one thing I considered, Bond. That I don't want my kids to get an impression that married people do that kind of thing. I don't want to be a p***y about this, so it is good to get other's perspectives.
But so far there has been nothing like the OM picking them all up and spending a day at the lake or something. It's always the kids at the park doing their thing or something done as a group, not my W and OM alone with the kids. At the church yesterday my kids were in their grade level play groups and my W was studying while the OM read a book (this from my oldest son). So my kids don't see any hugging, hand holding or the like.
There are two lines of thought on this on the boards it seems. Some have said to let it go as long as there is no inappropriate behavior. Others have stated what you have.
The bottom line is I cannot stop this unless I tail her. I can't control what another adult does. If I lay down the law, I have to be able to enforce it. The only way I can think of is to threaten to tell the kids about mommy's boyfriend and that they should tell her they don't want to be around the OM. This seems manipulative and likely to make things worse.
WAW Using God Me-43 W-40 M-14 S-11 S-9 D-7 EABomb 5/09 Separated 12/09
