If you have a concrete question, why not get a DB coach? On here you are going to get every one and anyone to respond. It's understandable. For you to get defensive about people not answering your EXACT question of what you want is condescending and arrogant.
Take it for what it is...FREE advice.
As for the first question . . . I'm unemployed right now, can't afford one. Bummer, but true. You're right about getting advice from any old wannabe therapist though, and it is understandable. I'd think it would also be understandable that when people make wildly laughable assumptions . . .sorta like Gooch just did . . . might bring out a little of my 'condescension and arrogance'.
Now . . . back to the topic . . .
Life may be short, but . . . well . . . it actually IS short, now that I think about it . . . . particularly when compared to planetary formation and stuff.
Sorry Doctor Phil, but "that dog don't hunt" . . . . probably because it's actually a pig.
You might be right.
Anybody have actual experience out here in teaching a pig to hunt? I don't want advice. I just want to know your actual experience on what worked and what didn't work in teaching a pig to hunt.
I am looking for those with actual experience in what they tried.
Yes, I'm right Gooch . . . ya might want to let it go, really.
Life may be short, but . . . well . . . it actually IS short, now that I think about it . . . . particularly when compared to planetary formation and stuff.
Dang Gooch, I just did a little looking into your past "advice" and in a few of the longer-running threads, I checked how your advice eventually panned out. Ehhhhh, "not-so-good" is the best way I can describe it.
Heck, you 'hit the ground running' with your pompous, authoritative-sounding crap, actually. In your very first post, you tell some poor guy his wife is almost certainly cheating on him, you tell him to spy on her, 'get his head out of the sand' etc. As the months went by, turns out the guys wife was NOT cheating on him, etc.
Checked some other threads you "advise" in too and see where things eventually went in those threads. And a common theme exists: You're not real empathetic, and your advice is kinda like a broken clock: Accurate twice in a day, but the rest of the time . . . . just plain wrong.
I've gotta wonder how much damage you've actually caused with your snap judgments and ill-considered psychoanalysis. Who are you? What qualifies you to even be here? Get out of my thread, please.
Life may be short, but . . . well . . . it actually IS short, now that I think about it . . . . particularly when compared to planetary formation and stuff.
Mix of both of our friends. 1 witness each. Photographer was her friend but we had become close in the last few years. She was most upset when I said I didn't want to maintain a friendship with her as she couldn't support our marriage. She still contacts me, and I ignore it. She knew about the OM before I did. The dog handler is just about a mutual friend again now. I struggle to let go of him as he has been a staunch support of me and for that I am grateful. I can't tell him to sod off after all the nights he spent with me whilst I was crying and feeling suicidal, he has been a shining beacon of compassion in all of this. I'm sad he's not got the guts to tell the STBXW what he tells me he thinks of her, but he has always been one to avoid confrontation at all costs.
Incidentally I think it may be time to get a bit tougher with your wife. She needs to see some consequences. Sort out that bank account. I had lots of hot air from mine when I spoke about taking her to small claims court for money she owes me, and guess what. Within 72hrs of the papers landing on her doormat she was at my door with her chequebook. 2 months of letters and emails and text messages asking for and eventually demanding money and threatening court just got me counter threats which were obviously rubbish. The action had her come to this side of town for the first time in her life, never mind our separation.
I may be mistaken, but that appears to be the first positive I've seen in months. Now I just wish the OM would disappear in a puff of smoke.......
Well, It might be good to mend fences with some of them. One thing is the guy who actually let you pour yourself out to him. That alone is pretty incredible, even if he wouldn't deal with your wife. Most of my Buds just really didn't want to hear my bellyaching.
This is probably terrible advice . . .so I don['t advise it. But one of my biggest regrets from my marriage ending ten years ago was never having just kicked the living crap out of the sleazeball back door scumbag my ex left me for. Folks told me that I'd regret kicking his ass later. In hindsight . . .nope. Wish I'd have done it, to this day. (Gooch, et al: spare me the man wants to kick OM's ass, must be an "abuser" junk, please. We get your opinion)
I cool with my ex nowadays, for the record. She's remarried to an actual nice guy near as I can tell, after dumping the backdoor-man pinhead a few years back. I still plan on flying to Florida if that sleazeball dies before I do to piss on his grave. (Not Kidding)
She actually began talking about 'her mistake' about five years ago, and started hinting at maybe getting back together. It was too late for me by then, which kinda ticked her off, because I was pretty blunt about it. (surprise)
So, yea, if I had it to do over again, I'd whup his ass and not give a second thought to doing thirty days on an assault charge. Is that "fair" since it was also my then-wifes decision too? Of course not. That rates as a big "so what? in my book. I loved my wife, I didn't love him. Life isn't fair, oh well.
I only tell ya this Lees, because for whatever reason, that sticks in my craw as much as any other aspect of the whole ordeal. It might not have helped save my marriage, but it sure would have made ME feel better, and I could live with the only mark on my criminal record being for beating the crap out of my wifes lover. Again, probably best, in a 'practical' sense, not to take my preferred course of action. For one thing, I had a job at the time I wouldn't have lost if I did a little jail time for something like that. Heck, my boss then would have probably given me a bonus!
Back to your friends who kinda let you down though. As long as they aren't poisonous to your attempts to save your marriage or betraying your trust to your wife, it might be best to make amends as best you can. You can always just tell them "look, I like ya man, but it hurt when ya wouldn't help. Might take me awhile to get completely over that, fair or not."
Clearly . . . I'm not a counselor.
Life may be short, but . . . well . . . it actually IS short, now that I think about it . . . . particularly when compared to planetary formation and stuff.
Gooch's stuff is pretty good for the real-world. Many of these waywards will get away with being a wayward for as long as they can. The longer they do it, the less they care about the relationship with the LBS. I liked it, even though it may not jive with some of the DB-Coaches here.
Most of my Buds just really didn't want to hear my bellyaching.
seems to be a recurring pattern in your life, good thing those are your words not mine, I just assumed as much after reading your responses in this thread.
So my question is do you want any advice on your situation? If not and you're collecting info on other people's experiences, what do you plan to do once your "collection" is complete?
Most of my Buds just really didn't want to hear my bellyaching.
seems to be a recurring pattern in your life, good thing those are your words not mine, I just assumed as much after reading your responses in this thread.
So my question is do you want any advice on your situation? If not and you're collecting info on other people's experiences, what do you plan to do once your "collection" is complete?
Bummedout,
One thing these hard situations do is make us re-evaluate the 'category' our various friends fit into.
seems to be a recurring pattern in your life, good thing those are your words not mine, I just assumed as much after reading your responses in this thread.
Oh, Doctor Phil . . .yawn. To your credit, you did deftly work in a petty dig and keep it topical. I'll give you a C+ for the effort.
Life may be short, but . . . well . . . it actually IS short, now that I think about it . . . . particularly when compared to planetary formation and stuff.
Bummedout, One thing these hard situations do is make us re-evaluate the 'category' our various friends fit into.
Man is that true! It can be pretty surprising and disappointing too. I guess Robx's friends all wanted to listen to him caterwaul and bellyache about his relationship problems.
Life may be short, but . . . well . . . it actually IS short, now that I think about it . . . . particularly when compared to planetary formation and stuff.
