WAW Using God II

[pigskin]

Afterwards W thanked me and gave me a hug before leaving. Like one you would give a casual friend. I've had more loving hugs from men I've just met. Although I set up the whole day and made everything just right, she seemed to only want to express appreciation to the kids and the inlaws. Thanking the kids for making the gift and the inlaws for making the trip. She knew I did everything.

You won't get out of casual friend mode if you do everything for her when she is carrying on right under your nose.

I wish she would wake up.

You can wait on her or be a leader. You have a choice. Chose wisely.

Is what you are doing getting you to your goals?

I don't do anything out of my way for her, this was just a special occasion being Mothers Day and all. More about the kids than me.

W invited me out to lunch today after we attended a meeting together. She expressed gratitude for yesterday and said she had a great time, so maybe my note portrayed her reaction in a much more negative tone than it really was, that wasn't my intent. It was more likely me having bigger expectations than I should have, which I know not to do.

She did tell me she wasn't down at all, just tired from watching TV too late the night before, which from our casual conversation I have good reason to believe was not a lie.

My goal is to save the relationship, and right now it basically boils down to how patient I can be. As I've noted earlier, I still feel the Good Lord wants me to continue to wait, as I am not yet at peace with moving to a divorce.

I thought about speaking to her regarding the kids being around the OM, but when I think about my reasoning and why it annoys me, I feel that deep down I'm trying to limit her contact with the OM. If that is truly the case, then I feel that I am meddling in what I have stated was something I'm trusting in God to handle.

If you are worrying, you aren't trusting Him, and if you are trusting Him, you aren't worrying.

The only ammo I have left is to date or file for divorce, neither of which I am willing to do right now. I won't date as a married man, and I am not yet ready to file. Either way my motives wouldn't be sincere, since I want to save my marriage, not do something just to get her off the fence. If I file, I have to be prepared to follow through with it.