I just can't take it anymore

[james217]

I wonder why God wakes me up everyday.

... and yet he does wake you up,
every single day,
even though you complain constantly,
even though you shrug away his gift of life to you,
even though you never have much good to say about anything,
even though you focus on every bad F!@#$* thing,
even though you never focus more than 2 seconds on any one good thing,
even though you think you are weak,
even though you are scared,
even though you are insecure and ineffectual,
even though you don't stand up for yourself when you should,
even though when he speaks to you through the voices of so many people in your life either on this site and through your friends and family,
even though you never listen to him,

he still makes time for you,
to "wake you up" every day even though you squander the gift of life given to you, he still wakes you up everyday so that you can bitch about how hard life is, methinks it's possible the old man is giving you a message, maybe he wouldn't bother "waking you up" everyday if he didn't believe in you and the untapped potential that's in you waiting for you to actualize and release it. That is the power he has given you, that along with the power of choice, to continue living like you are or choosing to do better.

Thank God for that gift of "waking you up" everyday literally because regardless of how bad your life is, there is some poor schmuck out there who has it 10 or 100 times worse.

FYI - His (God) patience is infinitely greater than my own.

rob I wish we could trade places for a day. Then you can see why "I'm bitching" about being woke up only to get nothing resolved even if I show up at an appointment or take care of business or do what's asked nothing changes.

That's frustrating especially when you know your mind and body are rebelling against you and most of the time you don't even know wtf you're doing or why you're doing it. Im supposed to see a neurologist to find out why I cannot "maturely handel interpersonal conflict" AS MY PSCY EVALUATOR STATED. That was in October. It's May. still waiting. While my memory gets worse. My behavior is more erratic and nobody understands wtf is going on because I don't even get it.

Sometimes I dn't even remember doing or saying the things that I'm told I do. So what's the freaking point? I'm tired of it all. Something has got to give. If nothing positive is going on what do I celebrate.

whoo hoo yay I woke up today knowing that I'm not going to get shyt accomplished?

That I'm going to take a job and lose it in a week because I find out I have more doctor's appointments planned but nothing ever gets done? I never get meds just told it's this or that then more tests and more tests.

i'm not a freaking lab rat. If that's what I have to look forward to then I might as well look back over my shoulder.

Lets do some positive thinking.

Today is a good day. I've puked a ridiculous amount of times. My feet and hands keep tingling. WAW is avoiding me because she fears me because I'm sick and need professional help that I cannot obtain. My parents are ready for me to leave. My eye surgery is about to be pushed back again. I can't test my blood sugar because I have no meds. Yep today is a wonderful day and I should be thankful that I woke up just to puke my guts out all day and try to set goals and do what is asked of me by those who are supposed to help with these matters but just don't take care of them.

Life is grand!