k, I still think he's blustering now and won't actually serve you until he can get his crap together. So you still have the head start and will probably be able to serve him at the apartment. Don't feel bad about having your own L do all the work--you would need to know all the financial stuff no matter what.
I'm so sorry he ruined the day like that. But cheaters are self-centered jerks so it's par for the course. I hope you can get S13 to talk to someone so he can let it all out. How horrible to dump this all on S10 like it's his fault because he wasn't ready to go!
I'm with Pearl on this. Not much else to add.
Except that if everyone could see how cute your little S10 is and how sad he was yesterday and how he thinks it's his fault that Dad left.... and then his texts and calls to stbxH are ignored.... And the S13 is already quiet and withdrawn to begin with... I alternate between tears and furious as hell for them...
(((Mind)))The kids are the losers in all of this - which makes our job even bigger ---- to get ourselves through this, AND our kids. I know that when I had kids I di NOT consider a D down the road as an option - and my heart aches for my kids. When I watch how they seem to handle everything as if it is "no big deal," my first reaction is to think things must be running smoothly - but then I wonder what is buried inside them. I'm glad your S10 is showing emotion - something my kids have shown very little of, and it does make me worry.
Me 45 M 25 yrs; T 31 yrs;bomb 8/15/06; moves out 7/18/08 D 18, D 14, S 12
I am so sorry to read this update. You deserved so much better for mother's day and your kids deserve so much better from their father.
I agree with Pearl about seeing if S13 can talk to someone. Sometimes at that age they just need someone neutral and removed from the sitch to feel they can open up.
You have my ((hugs)) and prayers as you move forward with integrity and dignity and doing what is right for you and your kids. With all the support and strength you have I know you are going to be ok and help your kids to be ok.
I have informed some people in my inner circle IRL re: H's behavior yesterday, and the filing for a D. I feel better for doing so.
One of the people I informed was my boss, who is awesome. He offered to a)send me to Europe for a week, b)fly my boys w/me to CA, if I end up going this week now, c) relocate us all to CA, d) restructure my pay to make it beneficial to my new situation.
Another one of the people is one of my BFF's. We walked for an hour this am, and she's ready to roll w/support. Immediately. Already has called back w/financial advice.
S10 stayed home from school this am. I gave him a day pass. We all need one once in awhile. He was attached to my hip most of the am, doing homework, reading, etc... Then, asked if I would take him to school at recess time. So, I did, and he appeared fine, then... But, we had more than a few tears this am.
S13 was "fine" when I took him to school. (Is he ever NOT "fine"?)
D18 is a bit of a loaded gun, and I'm just mom enough to let her be. She was totally pissed w/H about S10. She had him last night for a few hours, and dealt w/the tears, etc... So, I she tells me she txt'd H this am, telling him how bad S10 is, and to please txt or call him. It's not their fault you're angry w/Mom. He did reply to her, and txt'd S10 this am, and told him he would call him tonight.
I'm hesitant to allow the communication, because I don't want to make him available to be hurt again. So, I will answer the phone, and talk to him first. And, tell him like it is. Positive, supportive conversation w/our children. No more D talk, and no more yelling and swearing at them. Period.
I think he's just putting a band-aid on S10 by telling him to have a good day, and that he'll call later. We will see.
I would like nothing better for him to show true remorse for his actions towards them, and be able to co-parent w/him. Hope it's not too much of a dream. But, we'll see.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
I have informed some people in my inner circle IRL re: H's behavior yesterday, and the filing for a D. I feel better for doing so.
One of the people I informed was my boss, who is awesome. He offered to a)send me to Europe for a week, b)fly my boys w/me to CA, if I end up going this week now, c) relocate us all to CA, d) restructure my pay to make it beneficial to my new situation.
Another one of the people is one of my BFF's. We walked for an hour this am, and she's ready to roll w/support. Immediately. Already has called back w/financial advice.
S10 stayed home from school this am. I gave him a day pass. We all need one once in awhile. He was attached to my hip most of the am, doing homework, reading, etc... Then, asked if I would take him to school at recess time. So, I did, and he appeared fine, then... But, we had more than a few tears this am.
S13 was "fine" when I took him to school. (Is he ever NOT "fine"?)
D18 is a bit of a loaded gun, and I'm just mom enough to let her be. She was totally pissed w/H about S10. She had him last night for a few hours, and dealt w/the tears, etc... So, I she tells me she txt'd H this am, telling him how bad S10 is, and to please txt or call him. It's not their fault you're angry w/Mom. He did reply to her, and txt'd S10 this am, and told him he would call him tonight.
I'm hesitant to allow the communication, because I don't want to make him available to be hurt again. So, I will answer the phone, and talk to him first. And, tell him like it is. Positive, supportive conversation w/our children. No more D talk, and no more yelling and swearing at them. Period.
I think he's just putting a band-aid on S10 by telling him to have a good day, and that he'll call later. We will see.
I would like nothing better for him to show true remorse for his actions towards them, and be able to co-parent w/him. Hope it's not too much of a dream. But, we'll see.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
I know you adore your house (and I do too!) but I'm behind you all moving to CA provided it's the Bay Area so we can hang out! That would be great motivation for me to get my act together and move.
And if you need a travel companion to Europe for a week, I can drop everything and be ready at a moment's notice.
Last edited by pearlharbr; 05/10/1006:05 PM.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
I would just be careful not make any quick decisions. Other than the D, and I wouldn't call that a quick decision, at this point! There will be plenty of time to figure out what you want your life to look like going forward, there's no need to rush it.
It's great to see the support you are getting from every direction. Hang in there!
