I think some of your posts are very abusive. I dont want you to respond to me in the future. Maybe that is why you are having m problems because you can be a cruel person.
I called h last night and asked him not to come today because of mothers day. he said he wont come. I think im just going to give him his stuff or it will do irreperable damage to sitiuation. yesterday my son went out with h and when son came home he gave me a mothers day card from h that he signed with " love".
It's called a 2x4 and I think you could stand a little tough love right now.
You still have been dancing around the issue of your son. What have you done for him? I haven't seen you post anything about him and his needs.
You also haven't answered the questions about the OW. How do you know she exists aside from the spam he's been getting?
rysmom, I think you need a jolt of reality right about now. Until you can answer those questions, you will alienate everyone who is helping you.
You're depressed. I get that. Hell I was the same way. But sometimes depression makes you start seeing and believing things that may not always be true.
You drift into the two extremes. Either you're overly loving your H or you hate his guts. You don't believe me? Re-read your posts. All I'm doing is addressing the issues that everyone else seems to be dancing around.
Quite honestly, I don't think your T knows the severity of your emotions. You can say I'm being hurtful and cruel or whatever, but I've been on these boards long enough to see when someone needs a wake up call every now and again.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
rysmom, I'm so glad that your H didn't come for his 'items' today.
Sweetie, do you see a pattern with your posts? I could be off base, but is it possible (I've brought it up before) that your H is being extraordinarily cruel and jerking your chain? It seems he threatens you with something and then turns around and does something nice or thoughtful. It just keeps you off balance all the time. Could he be doing this for a purpose to further his own agenda for any reason you can think of?
I called h last night and asked him not to come today because of mothers day. he said he wont come. I think im just going to give him his stuff or it will do irreperable damage to sitiuation.
What makes you think giving him what he wants is going to bring him back, especially when what he wants is to leave?
I think MrBond has a point... you don't seem to actually want to help yourself. People have been giving you all sorts of advice and suggestions, but you don't seem to follow any of it. You just come here and rail about how awful your life is.
This is like an AA meeting; you can't play us, because we've all been through what you are going through. We've all been there, and we've all gotten to here. But we all had to do what it took to save ourselves if we were ever going to save our marriage OR survive the divorce.
We can't do this for you. You have to do it yourself.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
The AA analogy is a good one-- people here are not going to let you get away with stuck behaviors.
His bike and guitar? Please-- you don't even want that stuff! If it's a $25000 bike, maybe you can use that to negotiate keeping other stuff (cars?).
In the early days I felt so entitled to my negative feelings I had difficulty letting go of them. 25 years of marriage down the drain (27 now, still not D), who wouldn't be sad and furious? I felt I deserved a lot of sympathy, and that my anger was RIGHTEOUS. But you know what? I was only hurting myself and my SON. You have NO IDEA how much this circus is hurting your boy. You have got to get a grip.
2x4 or not rysmom has asked you not to post to her.
If she doesn't start making some effort to address her problems people will stop wasting their time in attempting to advise her and put time in where it might actually help people who actually want it.
But again...I agree with you 100% just pointing out the difference between here...and other forums. : )
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
MR BOND......do you know braveheart in here cause you sound so much like him...i like braveheart you on the other hand sound like a freaking JERK!!!!!!!!!!
"MR BOND......do you know braveheart in here cause you sound so much like him...i like braveheart you on the other hand sound like a freaking JERK!!!!!!!!!!"
Okay this I have to address. And this isn't to rysmom. I'll be the first one to say that I've felt nothing but compassion for rysmom. Heck I was one of the first people to post to her.
All I did was say in a more direct way what others have been thinking but have been too nice to say. My concern is for her son. Dealing with depression isn't a nice thing when it comes to yourself. It's even worse when you're a child dealing with it in your parent. He's not on the boards getting support. Where is his support?
rysmom has all the resources she needs to heal. And I'm not talking about from the boards. It's a matter of choice. Do you choose to heal or not?
The issue with her withholding the motorcycle and then blaming him wasting money for just saying that he would get another one, isn't a matter of money. It's a matter of control. You can't control another person. There also hasn't been hard evidence of OW, yet she stresses over her perception of there being one just based on a few spam messages he's getting. Not saying that she's right or wrong, but if she keeps playing these mind movies by herself, the problems will appear to be overwhelming.
For the record, I wish rysmom all the best. I truly do. It is up to her though as to how she will get to that "best" part.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
my h is looking to buy another motorcycle, $18,000 if i dont tell him to come get other one. Im wondering where he is getting the money for it . His mother is taking a loan out on her house for him for his business debt. She is 80 yrs. old. It gets me angry, he saved no money for sons college education coming up in 2 yrs. but he'll go out and get in more debt on top of about $500,000 he's already in. he has such an addiction to spending, he probably is so excited to go shopping for it.It is sick.
