So I had a rough mothers day because of the fact that I really could not be with W. She decided to go spend the day with her M. I can't stand MIL as she has a hand in our problems. So I went to my M. So I was reflecting with my time away and I really am worried. I was just thinking about the conversations I have had with W and her intentions. I do not think that she plans on ever getting back with me. She does not have anywhere to go and as long as I do not push the issue, she has her own room and the bills are paid. She can be with her son when she wants and then she can just disappear is she wants for 6 hours at a time. So she does not have to have physical contact with me if she does not want, no amount of love put forward, and definitely no "relations" I have changed my life for the better and she has changed nothing. She just gets to come and go and have a live in babbitter. So what is her incentive to get back together? It just seems to me that maybe since there is nowhere to go and I am not pushing physical relations that she is cake eating. When i do mention it, she will get harsh and really put me down enough that I will not ask for a while again or she will tell me, "What makes you think I am in this relationship?" to back me down.

She was in a good mood when she got home because it was just her and her mom. Her sister that usually steals the spot light was not there and W enjoyed every minute of the attention. W has some serious issues with childhood. Tried to talk to her about it before, she gets all upset and stops talking. She noticed I was in a bad mood, but I just have been sick (sinus, ear, upper respiratory infection) and was tired and cranky. So I explained that to her and then went to bed.

I have first meeting with MC tonight. I am going by myself first to try to see if C is good and to let him know of my concerns regarding mental stability of W. I think she is D or MLC or a combination. I know she needs to get some issues out and dealt with before we can have a M if we can salvage what we have. We seriously do not have many problems, just that she has the desire to be free, and I just do not understand it. W does not know I am going and I will tell her after that I scheduled one for both of us whenever we have the next session. This is insane that we have to go through all of this. I hope someday I look back and say it was worth it.