Whatever you feel about marital possessions and assets, they're still considered joint property. Stuff is stuff. Only your children and the intangible, what makes you a good person, what you are grateful for, are important.
Being on the receiving end of the blame game is draining. I believed and/or felt guilty for everything he accused me of. Then I realized I gave him that power. I thought back to what he said and viewed his words from a different light.
Something broke. It wasn't fixed. It ended.
And I started chuckling when I thought back to some of my actions in the relationship. I might not want to be married to me, either.
Your divorcing spouse is a walking wound, spewing pus and anger. She needs that to justify her actions. She doesn't trust you, she's enraged and lashes out at you. My divorcing/former spouse continues to do that to me, even though he married the woman of his dreams (2.0) The saying, "Thou doth protest too much.", comes to mind.
When your kids get stuck in the middle, think of what you'd say to a good friend's child going through the same thing. "This not your responsibility. This is something for your mom and me to work out." Don't take the message. Write/call/text her back and set a firm boundary. Otherwise it will become the norm.
Validate your departing spouse's words when she spews, "I can see why you feel that way." "Absolutely." It takes two to fight.
So Antlers, I'm sorry to hear how miserable this is for you. It can be viewed as an unending crucifixion with self flagellation thrown in or a pain in the ass project. Your choice. Put your energy where it counts most.
And congratulations on becoming the person you're meant to be, an intangible no one can take away from you.
