The class was nice, saw some old faces and plenty of new ones. Had a few dances with people, even one with a lovely (though exceptionally tall!) young lady who told me where to find some good contemporary classes.
... but when the night thinned out and there became some space on the floor, I heard a great song come on and looked for a partner. All the people left were already up, but there was plenty of space.
...I was looking for my wife. We always found each other at these moments, always came a running. And now that's never going to happen again.
I can't believe how much she's there in the little day to day things. I can't believe that she's making something I love so much so incredibly toxic!
I left the class and waited for my ride and wasn't sure if I wanted to scream or cry (I settled on the latter, it was dark, so it alarmed less people than the screaming would have).
There's a part of me that's already starting to move on. A part that says "Well, if she doesn't feel that way anymore, it's her loss. I'm aiming for some INCREDIBLE things, and I'm going to be achieving them. She knew this, but walked away anyway, her loss!!" .... but there's also the part of me that misses my friend. That wants to curl up and sob till I pass out again.
3 1/2 weeks. Nearly a month. And I still can't accept what's happened fully. I'm still just waiting to wake up. What's going to do that? What is going to be the lightning bolt to the head that makes me sit up and say "Wow, she really IS gone. I'm waiting for a ghost!"?
I don't want to believe it, but I think I need to.
I know I'm asking a bunch of people who will probably in turn be asking me the same thing... but what the hell do I do now?
Apart from sleep. Need sleep.
Me: 29 H: 25 T:7yrs M:5yrs
Bomb: 23/04/10
Had no idea anything was wrong. Cheated so she could end it without talking.
