Mix of both of our friends. 1 witness each. Photographer was her friend but we had become close in the last few years. She was most upset when I said I didn't want to maintain a friendship with her as she couldn't support our marriage. She still contacts me, and I ignore it. She knew about the OM before I did. The dog handler is just about a mutual friend again now. I struggle to let go of him as he has been a staunch support of me and for that I am grateful. I can't tell him to sod off after all the nights he spent with me whilst I was crying and feeling suicidal, he has been a shining beacon of compassion in all of this. I'm sad he's not got the guts to tell the STBXW what he tells me he thinks of her, but he has always been one to avoid confrontation at all costs.
Incidentally I think it may be time to get a bit tougher with your wife. She needs to see some consequences. Sort out that bank account. I had lots of hot air from mine when I spoke about taking her to small claims court for money she owes me, and guess what. Within 72hrs of the papers landing on her doormat she was at my door with her chequebook. 2 months of letters and emails and text messages asking for and eventually demanding money and threatening court just got me counter threats which were obviously rubbish. The action had her come to this side of town for the first time in her life, never mind our separation.
I may be mistaken, but that appears to be the first positive I've seen in months. Now I just wish the OM would disappear in a puff of smoke.......
Well, It might be good to mend fences with some of them. One thing is the guy who actually let you pour yourself out to him. That alone is pretty incredible, even if he wouldn't deal with your wife. Most of my Buds just really didn't want to hear my bellyaching.
This is probably terrible advice . . .so I don['t advise it. But one of my biggest regrets from my marriage ending ten years ago was never having just kicked the living crap out of the sleazeball back door scumbag my ex left me for. Folks told me that I'd regret kicking his ass later. In hindsight . . .nope. Wish I'd have done it, to this day. (Gooch, et al: spare me the man wants to kick OM's ass, must be an "abuser" junk, please. We get your opinion)
I cool with my ex nowadays, for the record. She's remarried to an actual nice guy near as I can tell, after dumping the backdoor-man pinhead a few years back. I still plan on flying to Florida if that sleazeball dies before I do to piss on his grave. (Not Kidding)
She actually began talking about 'her mistake' about five years ago, and started hinting at maybe getting back together. It was too late for me by then, which kinda ticked her off, because I was pretty blunt about it. (surprise)
So, yea, if I had it to do over again, I'd whup his ass and not give a second thought to doing thirty days on an assault charge. Is that "fair" since it was also my then-wifes decision too? Of course not. That rates as a big "so what? in my book. I loved my wife, I didn't love him. Life isn't fair, oh well.
I only tell ya this Lees, because for whatever reason, that sticks in my craw as much as any other aspect of the whole ordeal. It might not have helped save my marriage, but it sure would have made ME feel better, and I could live with the only mark on my criminal record being for beating the crap out of my wifes lover. Again, probably best, in a 'practical' sense, not to take my preferred course of action. For one thing, I had a job at the time I wouldn't have lost if I did a little jail time for something like that. Heck, my boss then would have probably given me a bonus!
Back to your friends who kinda let you down though. As long as they aren't poisonous to your attempts to save your marriage or betraying your trust to your wife, it might be best to make amends as best you can. You can always just tell them "look, I like ya man, but it hurt when ya wouldn't help. Might take me awhile to get completely over that, fair or not."
Clearly . . . I'm not a counselor.
Life may be short, but . . . well . . . it actually IS short, now that I think about it . . . . particularly when compared to planetary formation and stuff.
