One thing I really just realized I was doing was still worrying about what everyone else thinks. I am divorced so I should be dating. I should be getting out there. I should I should I shoud. And it really occurs to me that I honestly do not have to answer to anyone. Just because I have not jumped into another relationship doesn not mean that that I am still holding out hope that the SG will cchange. But its not even that. I don't really think about it anymore. For the longest time I have kind of been a hermit because I am so tired of answering questions that frankly I dont want to answer. I like my solitary time. I am not much of aparty animal. So now, I know I need to bet more active, and I really have to figure out what I like to do. Ramgling...
Not rambling. Making perfect sense. To me, anyway. I'm exactly where you are on each point you make.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
I was driving home from a friend's house tonight, AND IT WAS SNOWING. IN MAY.
I left the desert for this?
Happy Mother's Day to all the mom's out there!!!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I've been a hermit too because my social life was mostly thorugh the family time we spent together (and met other people). Now I feel pressured to go out and make new friends and socialize. I have to then tell myself that I don't have to do anything I don't want to. I'll do what I want to do and when I want to do it.
Honestly though in my case I do need to expand my social network.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Lola, This is a very good thread. I think what everyone said is truly amazing and just how I get through my days (and nights) sometimes.
Of course, I'm not divorced yet, but having been separated now for almost two years, and ... in the process, I think my back-and-forth swaying of negative thought process stems, too, from resolving myself to always having feelings for the man - not necessarily for the husband, but for the man that he was. And, truthfully, although I never voice this here, I feel sorry for him sometimes.
I don't think it's fair for me to ever say nasty things about him, but I'm human. After all the hurt he's caused me, is still causing me, I just pray for God to forgive him. I hope that doesn't sound too condescending, but I have to do something when I feel emotional pain. So, that's what I do.
As for being a hermit, I join the ranks here.
poet, shrugging my shoulders and thinking, "I'm just not that into it."
Poet: I actually did say mean things to the SG. I called him a user, a slime, a sociopath, and told him he was like the person he hated the most: his father, who had been married four times. I told him I hated him, that he hurt me more than anyone ever had.
I allowed myself to feel the anger because I knew if I didn't, I wouldn't heal.
I still miss him, but as I have said before, it's not him as he is now, but the wonderful, sweet man I married. I am not sure what happened to that man. I think the SG believes he needs someone else to make him happy, and since he is looking for that, he will never find it.
I am not going to say that I don't have moments when I still hurt. I also have moments when I think I would still try again. I wonder why he contacts me still.
But mostly I think his reasons would be very different than mine. He is so into his life and his crap that I dont really think he even thinks of mine.
I guess I don't understand how some people think, and that is the biggest struggle for me. I am analytical by nature, and not understanding all of this has been the worst part of moving on. Even when XH and I did split, we had tried. We did counseling, separating, trying to work through issues we just did not seem to be able to work through. In the end, divorcing was better for botgh of us, and because we stayed civil, even cordial, the kids were well adjusted. The older girls were actually happier after we split.
But to just walk away, with no warning, with no fighting, with no idea, just shocks me. I just didn't know that he was that far gone. Life was not perfect. But it was far from horrible. At least in my mind. I guess we just didn't think alike.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
I guess I don't understand how some people think, and that is the biggest struggle for me. I am analytical by nature, and not understanding all of this has been the worst part of moving on... But to just walk away, with no warning, with no fighting, with no idea, just shocks me. I just didn't know that he was that far gone. Life was not perfect. But it was far from horrible. At least in my mind. I guess we just didn't think alike.
I'm with you on all counts, kid.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
I got my ticket to go see Chip Coffey. He does work with Paranormal State, and Psychic Kids. I love this guy...so when he was having a "Coffey Talk" in Buffalo this month, I decided to get a ticket. I don't know what it is about this guy, or why I have such a tug to see him. I think it has to do with my brother.
Of course, I believe in all this, so I am very excited. Even if I don't get to talk to him, I love the fact that I am going by myself, taking a day trip!!!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
LalaL, Good for you. I just googled him. Sounds interesting. But Cheektowaga, NY? I thought we had some weird town names here in Connecticut Website says not every attendee gets a private reading. Hope you get one.
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
I am not so worried about the private reading, it would be cool, but there is just something fascinating about this man. I like watching Paranormal State, and am actually bummed when they call in another psychic.
Oh, Gardener Dear, we have lots of funny names. Cheektowaga, Lackawanna, Irondequoit, Swormsville...just to name a few. There is quite a good bit of an American Indian culture out here, and those names sound kind of Indianish (is that a word?)
I am actually like 1/16 Cherokee Indian. But you really can't see it lol!
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
