I had a nice day. I talked to H yesterday after emailing him some of the things I mentioned above. Let him know that i basically do not know how to treat him as anything else but my husband. And that i feel awkward reaching out even to discuss baby things etc. H called me when he recieved the email and wanted to talk about it. Said he knows the birth is about me until the baby comes and wants to be there with me to massage me, comfort me, support me, and push me through it.
H was so supportive and understands how its hard for me. Says he knows how incredibly hard it is, but is so happy and positive about the baby coming, and says lets focus on him and us being parents together. i broke the cardinal DB rule and asked if he could ever love me as his wife and would work at our marriage and H's response is "not right now". Said "I would need to learn how to put you first instead of myself" and right now I am focused on passing boards and school and the baby is my first priority right now. and that we dont know what the future holds for us and he doesnt look ahead only now. I asked if he is confident his feeling could never change, he said he is not sure, that maybe they could.
Definitely a different response than what he gave me in the past few months. I have extremely low expectations, just think its interesting that H is making contact and a lot of effort to be a part of my life. Not just the babys.We talked for a while. Not R stuff, and not all baby stuff, just talk... like old times.
he called last night and asked if it was okay that he come over today to come see me for mother;s day...
He text before he came over and brought me a card from the baby, for the mommy-to-be, and wrote a message saying thank you for taking such good care of the baby and how lucky the baby was to have a mommy like me. He brought over a few gifts, some for me, some for the baby. Just like my old H. its not the gifts, its the fact that he thought of things I need during my pregnancy and for me. he stayed a few hours... call me crazy, but I breath better when he is around... i just feel like me, the real me. He sent my mom a MD card as well. She was in tears.
He sent several texts afterwards, and called tonight just to follow up and chat. He was happy that my sister called him tonight to thank him for a gift H bought her son for his bday last week. H likes that my family is still loving and accepting of him. We talked for a bit and then he hung up saying have a good night talk to you tomorrow... (sigh)
then sent another text
I recieved 6 mother's day cards this week, from his aunts, sister, parents... they are all reaching out and want to come over and visit now before the baby comes, or go to dinner, etc.
we start Birthing classes on Wednesday, but may be meeting up before hand to go over things. NM, dont know if we are driving there together. We drove separate cars to baby doc this past week. I will not ask, will see if he does... if not, no biggie.
Seems like we are going to be seeing a lot of each other... planning to go furniture shopping together, H is coming by one day to bring my car to get maintenanced before the baby comes, wants to come by this week, a family friend is giving me lots of baby clothes from her son, and he wants to be a part of it, and so many other things...
I am trying to be strong. Zero Expectations... well maybe a teeny weeny tiny bit... very minute...
