Just a couple more things--can you tell me about the neediness? I never heard that one myself--what "is it" to a guy? If you don't call on him (check up on him) all the time?
i think neediness is if you call him all the time for nothing. it will appear as if you don't trust him and you need to know where he is at all times. Or, you call him for silly things like "why does the coffee grinder make this weird noise when i turn it on?". neediness makes you appear 'weak' and that's unattractive to men.
my mil is needy with a capital 'n' but because she's old and helpless, h doesn't bat an eye.
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Oh, I just thoguht of something--is your LL quality time? and his is something else? Maybe physical? Because I can see if you like to be "with him" a lot and it's not his love language he may be thinking that you are "needy" or "clingy".
my LL is physical touch. i love it when my h touches me. and i think h likes it when i touch him. he always says that when i stroke his forearm, it calms him. and he has said on a few occasions that he likes it when i touch him lovingly.
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I WILL say that in my sitch I am dressing more "sexy" and am starting to flirt more--something all men love and something I have not ever really done.
ditto on the dressing. flirting .. well. my h and i are physically separated now and for some reason, i get the feeling he despises me right now. he wouldn't respond to any touch or flirting. i feel like he's pushing me away emotionally.
but when we were still living under the same roof, i did notice that he was checking me out (ie. looking for VPL but didn't find any. :o)
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Another thing that I just started doing is thanking my husband for working so hard. He complains a lot about work and has many other options, so I would tell him to pursue other things in hopes he would complain less. But thanking him is hopefully going to result in less complaining--I just started that one so I'm not sure yet.
my h complains about work too. i try to encourage him and surprise him with small things like a special dessert or something. but i sympathesize and listen to his work woes. it's the best i can do for him.
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My H also spends TONS of time with his parents and they can do no wrong. I get a lot of criticism when they leave from their visits--H usually has a bit of a meltdown when they leave. He is an absolute ANGEL in front of them, and cannot keep up the pretense forever.
like i said, we married to the same man? my h has a meltdown but it's the kind where he cries because his parents are getting old and they keep guilting him with phrases like "we don't want to leave you .. you're all we have. we can't live without you. we don't know how much longer we will be alive. we could die tomorrow." oh pleez, if they want to die so much .. here's a gun. why delay the inevitable? spare me the "poor me" speech. i see through it.
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I won't go to their house any longer--I was never allowed to do anything but sit around. His mother is a nice person, but has nothing in the way of interests other than her husband and cooking/cleaning. She is one of the most boring people I know. Oh, she loves to knit. Ugh.
ok, serious laura .. are we married to the same man? his mom loves to knit as well and is the most boring person on earth. she has no opinion, she has mental issues but the family is afraid to confront her on it so they just let it ruin everyone else's lives. and i don't have a choice anymore .. i won't be going there any more because their son is d-ing me. and for some reason, they are very disappointed in me and have developed some kind of hatred for me. what i'd like to know is .. what the heck did i do that was so wrong? it's not like i cheated on my h. i didn't steal, i didn't hit anybody, i didn't even yell at anybody.
everybody who knows me, knows that i am the good girl that every mom wants their son to marry. i'm as clean cut, smart, comes from a good family, good girl as you can get. i take off that 'good girl' outfit when in the bedroom though.
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I think sometime my H wants a woman like that and is turning (or trying to) me into her. I would rather die than be that woman!lol.
my h said he didn't want to marry someone like his mother. but i think he's constantly comparing me to her. i could never be like her. i don't like to wear my underwear that tight. lol.
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Anyway, I think maybe 1/3 of that stuff is "legit". I heard a lot of similar stuff and you know, the minute I changed about 1/3 of the major things, the rest went majically away.
what is your sitch like? are you back together? did you ever separate physically?
i'm having trouble filtering the problems and figuring out what the real issues were. i've heard a lot of excuses. all of which i have stopped. but he's still pushing the d through.
i feel very pessimistic. he's got this me-me-me mentality that he feels more sorry for himself than he does for hurting me with the d-bomb. friend of mine told me that guys like him will never notice the change in me. he's too self absorbed to see beyond himself.
