still separated, headed for D?

[courageous wife]

Hi NM! I am going through the same thing right now...so happy to be a mother and wouldn't be if not for H and had a wonderful day but am now feeling down...we are not bi-polar!!! lol!

I hope you get the visitation worked out so you can go to the zoo brew....do you have family close by that could help out?

[newmama]

CW- I am sorry that you are feeling down, too but it also made me relieved to hear that you feel the same thing!

I did forget to mention that I rearranged the weekend visit with WH so I could go to the zoo brew. BUt I can't go kayaking. S is going through MAJOR separation anxiety right now so it is hard to leave him with someone else plus WH will have dropped him off the day before and then I would leave S the next day for 6 hours??? "My" day with him? Oh well- the kayaking is always open and I can suggest it for an outing with a friend or a date one day.

My SIL is watching him for me when I go to therapy so I really hope he doesn't suffer too much in the 2 hours she is with him tomorrow!!!

[flowmom]

There you are! Have to catch up but probably not until tomorrow. hugs!

[courageous wife]

It is tough when kids are little like your S! My youngest grandchild always cries for mommy when I babysit...she works all day so when he sees her, he doesn't want her to leave. They do get past that I promise! Kayaking would be awesome...hope you get to do that someday!

[Babydoll]

Happy Mother's Day NewMama!!!

[Babydoll]

NM, you have been through so much with H lately, no wonder you feel like you have one good day and then the next day is low! No, you are not bi-polar... you are human! you have a heart!

Nice that your H did give you a card from your son...

Did you have a nice mother's day???

I want to check out the thread OldPilot posted above... interesting to read "Reconnecting usually goes in reverse order of the bomb. LBS is last on the list, children, other people first." Hmmmmm?

[newmama]

Thank you, BD, for reassuring me that I am right for being crazy lately, lol! OK this is kind of funny but true-I was looking at communication tips for relationships and came across this tidbit:

Does your man seem disinterested when you are trying to talk to him about something vital to you? Do you feel that you two have a problem and you wish to discuss about it? Does your man seem less than excited when you insist you both must talk about the issue right there and then?

Men, more often than not, wish to keep their problems to themselves and think about them for a while. It does not mean your man is incapable of communicating with you, it just means that he would rather process the situation before saying anything. More often than not, a man will need to come up with something concrete to say or a specific solution to a problem, rather than just discussing several different options with you. Though women think about our problems out loud and wish to discuss or talk about every aspect of an issue, does not mean men have to do the same.

When it comes to communicating, give your man some space. When he is ready to talk to you about an issue, permit him to approach you. Remind yourself that you are two different creatures and when it comes down to it, men and women have a very different style of communication.

gee...I sure can relate to those items in bold that I underlined!Familiar!! (even if it is trying to put men in a box!)

[newmama]

no I didn't have that great of a mother's day but maybe it is an overrated day! or next year will be better?

[WhatNow]

Maybe it is overrated. It was cute when the kids were small. They bring home cute little crafts with their picture or handprint on them. Make breakfasts of undercocked (lol...typo intentional!) eggs, burnt toast, and watery coffee, leaving a HUGE mess in the kitchen, want to draw (or OMG THE MESS! Paint) you more pictures to add to the hundreds you can't bring yourself to weed out. But AHHHH the memories. Today, as the kids all went in different directions, i remembered those Mother's Days when all I wanted was a day alone in the bathroom! Glad I didn't spend them that way!

This was just your first. Enjoy them as they come. Honor yourself and all you put into mothering. I think the day is more about giving kids the opportunity to show appreciation and be grateful for you than about you feeling appreciated. Do I sound down on the day? I am not! I just released any expectations ages ago and enjoy what comes.

[flowmom]

(((Newmama))) I haven`t been as active on the forum lately, but I`ve missed you .

I am so proud of you for going to IC...C sounds great. I`d love to have someone like that in your corner. It`s awesome that he is giving you honest pro-M feedback.

I also hope that ADs help you the way that they have helped me. It probably took about 4 weeks for me to really notice the difference, but I am totally aware of the difference now. I feel like the ADs allow the good stuff that I do for myself to actually help. I was doing the work before, but I just couldn`t feel good.

I don`t consider myself dark, just dim. I allow pleasant interaction for the sake of the kids, but it`s very limited. If I want to discuss something about the kids, it`s usually by email and super short. If you are trying to set boundaries with your H about his physical presence in your home, I suggest talking about how you `need more space` but don`t explain anything about transitions, etc. `Needing more space` could be interpreted in ways that suggest that you are GAL, etc. Try to act like you`re quite happy to have him around, except that he`s getting in the way a bit.

I guess I am wierd because I think I eventually want to be friends with H. But then again I haven`t had to deal with the sickening details of OW(s).

Take care Newmama. You`re awesome