I don't think that telling your H that the kids miss him is controlling. SOmething like this maybe?:

"I was wondering if we could set up a schedule for you to visit the kids. They really look forward to seeing you and get so excited! It would help them to know when they would get to see you next. Also... I don't mean this to come across wrong, but I have to honestly tell you that they miss you and are disappointed when you don't show up when you say you will."

Okay that was really rough and there has to be a way to sandwich the negative final sentence in the middle somewhere or reword it even?

me,34
exH,34
S,16 months
S:3/31/09-left for OW
started DBing 10/09
d final: sometime 10/10
current:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1
met in 2004