I was here 6 years ago after getting the ILYNILY speach. I had a really hard time at first, as my personality is very laid back and easy going--I never cried, begged, pleaded--I was very "cool" from the beginning and patted myself on the back about that--DBing seemed "easy". I'm not by nature a "pursuer-type" and detaching isn't hard either.
it's funny. i think i'm pretty easy going and i guess you could say that sometimes i forget about h's needs. but when h dropped the d-bomb, he said i was needy and clingy. but at the same time, i wasn't paying attention to his needs.
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I read through your sitch looking for what your H says is wrong--and have you ever really pursued him and gotten him to tell you? It seems like you didn't really have "problems". But there has to be something--even if you don't cook or clean like dear old mom--what do you think he would say if you asked him why he did this?
i get mixed messages. he'll tell me to not be so clingy but yet, i don't pursue him. i don't call him everyday (like how he calls his parents).
maybe it's just me but we didn't fight all the time leading up to the d-bomb.
i cook, i clean, i did everything. and it wasn't enough. was it because i spent all that time keeping the house in tip top shape that i didn't have time for him? why didn't he say this?
he said that i made his parents feel unwelcomed and that i ruined christmas for them. coupled with the fact that there was lack of action in the bedroom during december. and there was a whole bunch of other excuses like how we can't live together, how we are too different, and that he didnt think marriage should be this hard. he felt that i wasn't the same person he fell in love with.
i'm like why did this all come out now? we never argued about our differences, which parts of us were too different? i don't know. and has he ever thought that maybe his parents were exaggerating their feelings? marriage is hard work.
ok. maybe i let myself go a bit but ever since the d-bomb was dropped. i went back to my 'single girl' habits and started dressing a lot better.
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Not that you can trust 100% all that they say--I did have to filter through a lot of weird stuff to get to the truth of his unhappiness. I thought I did it all right--we are financially responsible, I like sex, I like to cook, etc. I thought I was doing a really good job.
i still can't filter through what he has to say. the thing is, i think the sex part is really what bothers him. we are like you - financially responsible, i liked sex, i liked to cook, i did laundry, i did a lot of housework. i took the load off of h because his job was very stressful.
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So what do you think he would say?
i'm not sure what he'd say. he might say i'm being needy or clingy. it's funny how he said i was too needy and clingy. yet, his mother is the queen of neediness! what's up with that??
