Poet: I actually did say mean things to the SG. I called him a user, a slime, a sociopath, and told him he was like the person he hated the most: his father, who had been married four times. I told him I hated him, that he hurt me more than anyone ever had.

I allowed myself to feel the anger because I knew if I didn't, I wouldn't heal.

I still miss him, but as I have said before, it's not him as he is now, but the wonderful, sweet man I married. I am not sure what happened to that man. I think the SG believes he needs someone else to make him happy, and since he is looking for that, he will never find it.

I am not going to say that I don't have moments when I still hurt. I also have moments when I think I would still try again. I wonder why he contacts me still.

But mostly I think his reasons would be very different than mine. He is so into his life and his crap that I dont really think he even thinks of mine.

I guess I don't understand how some people think, and that is the biggest struggle for me. I am analytical by nature, and not understanding all of this has been the worst part of moving on. Even when XH and I did split, we had tried. We did counseling, separating, trying to work through issues we just did not seem to be able to work through. In the end, divorcing was better for botgh of us, and because we stayed civil, even cordial, the kids were well adjusted. The older girls were actually happier after we split.

But to just walk away, with no warning, with no fighting, with no idea, just shocks me. I just didn't know that he was that far gone. Life was not perfect. But it was far from horrible. At least in my mind. I guess we just didn't think alike.

Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..