H been again today to mend his car and will come again tomorrow to finish it.
Next Wed is S parents evening at school which all 3 of us will go to.
H suggested that we get a take away from a local chinese food shop as he said 'we haven't been there for a while have we?' This is the first time he has talked about a memory from home just before he left. We always had a take away meal on a Friday. This didn't happen for a few weeks before he left. Also the first time he has said 'we'.
Today H has now invited our D boyfriend to the cinema and meal afterwards. He appears to be trying very hard to make positive reconnection with the children. Offering to take them out and run them around.
H has met BF once in passing but D BF is in and out of the house all the time visiting and picking her up. So I have got to know him quite well.
After the meal H is taking S to a concert and will bring him home afterwards. This is another step in the right direction as he has never brought any of the children back home late into the night before.
Libby, Your H seems to be reconnecting with the children nicely...that's what they are supposed to do first, then they reconnect with friends and family and you will be the last.
It's great that you are posting play-by-play of what's going on, good way to monitor progress.
You are doing great
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Everything was fine at the cinema with H and family.
Anyway off we went for our meal as planned. H went to the toilet before we left the cinema. When we got to the pub his text went off and low an behold another trip to the toilet! Let it go and didn't even acknowledge it. Carried on with light conversation validating what he said. Anyway another 20 minutes later another text and a few minutes later off to the toilet again. I have never seen anyone so well with such a bad need for the toilet....
He had been gone about 10mins and I went to get some drinks. I could see his arm in the corrider towards the mens toilet. I stood and watched him for a few minutes and I have to say he didn't look exactly thrilled to be talking to OW. He looked quite sullen. I wondered whether I should interrupt or not.
So I went through the door and the first time he saw me was when I was through the door. He went white! I said 'the children are wondering where you are and she has you all week but your children only have you for an hour or two' He was desperately trying to cover his phone up so she couldn't hear.
H said I am coming and boy he was back in his seat straight behind me. Don't know if he will run now. He certainly gave the impression he was uneasy when I aksed him to come back but when back at the table carried on the conversation as if nothing had happened.
So we will wait and see although as he left with S for the concert he wanted to know whether I would be up when he brought him back later tonight. Also he confirmed the plans for Wednesday and younger S parents evening. So who knows.
I have been worried that I was almost becoming the OW which was a worry. So I feel that I needed to make a stand about quality time with his children.
Well, I like what you said to him about OW seeing him all week and the children only seeing him for an hour or two!
The texting and phone calls from OW during H's time with his family seem like insecurity on her part..not to mention very rude! She may be digging her own hole doing that!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Slightly uncomfortable with his hands firmly in his pockets. Uncomfortable with eye contact, although he did give me good eye contact but looked away quicker than normal. Very poor memory. He has just told me the same things he told me earlier.
Interestingly when he was younger he had terrible problems with his eyes when they would be red and dry. He was 18 years at the time. I have seen this once during his journey and again tonight although he was fine when we went for the meal. Hasn't had this problem for about 30 years!
I think you did fine - you let him know that you know what was going on, and you set an appropriate boundary in a gentle way. He may run, but it won't be for what you did... you did just fine.
PS I love your name, after reading the "why'd you pick your name" thread, I love that you have questions and aren't afraid to ask... those people that stop asking grow old and die quickly, IMHO.
