thanks for the kick in the pants, J3B. I needed to be reminded to be tough. You are right, I do get overwhelmed alot and need to do better.
This past week my husband started showing me things that he would normally take care of so that I can 'handle things' when he is gone. Just basic stuff I really already knew, like writing checks and things, but these are all things he jealously guarded as 'his turf' during our marriage. I'm not sure how the handle this in a DB manner. I guess I should be thankful he at least seems to take some responsibility and not just walk out and abandon me, and yet if I'm receptive I think it gives the impression that this is what I want.
Just when I think I have things figured out on how to act, he sets me spinning again.
This weekend was another weekend for him to spend away. I have to admit that it was nice to be in the house without tension. On friday evening I had this weird crying fit, thinking about how our recently deceased cat used to want to sit on my lap. At the time I was spending alot of time on the DB boards, doing research and reading in the archives about MLC. I felt guilty about pushing the cat off of my lap because she kept wanting to sit on my laptop computer. Then I realized that somehow I was more mad at my husband and how he had made me act towards the cat, than how he had acted towards me. Maybe that means that I am detaching more. Its like I was mad at him for how his behavior had made ME act in a negative fashion. It also made me determined to be a better person to those outside our marriage - to stop the bleed over of negative feelings caused by whats going on.
He called about noon today to tell me he'll be home at 5. I was putting food in the oven and just didn't grab the phone in time. He left this whiny message about 'I know you don't want to talk to me..." It really grated on my ears, as if he is somehow the injured party because I wasn't there to hop to when he called. Yes, I have alot of anger but am trying to act as if when he's here. <sigh>
Me - 38 Husband - 40 MLC! Together 12 years Married 11 years Still the love of my life Forever only lasted 10 years before his MLC and affair
