MLC, H and me

[WhatNow]

I encouraged the relationship between the kids and their dad during our first sep. H for the most part, went along, esp if I was involved. H made very little initiation.

This time, I have stayed out of it and H hardly contacts them at all. It is heartbreaking for the kids. They go thru much of what we do; Am I not enough? What is wrong with me? Why is she more important than me?

It did not seem to make much difference whether I set things up for visitation or the kids did. They still know it is not him seeking out their company.

I got all "mama bear" in March, after he had stood them up...again. He says he wants a R with them but they do not call him. I told him and the kids that I did not want him contacting the kids. I haven't enforced this as a rule, just said this is what I wished. This has actually helped. The kids no longer feel responsible for the R and see him if they want and ignore if they want.

H's mother has always been nuts. (I suspect she has been MLC for thirty years. At some point tho, I think it becomes a BPD.) B/c of that it was easy to explain that Daddy has what Grandma has, and the mental illness has nothing to do with them.

Given all this, abandonment of the kids still AMAZES me.

There is nothing adult about my H's thinking and behavior. He is exactly the the same as my ego centric teenagers. (Ego centric is normal for teenagers). Although I amazed he behaves this way, I have stopped expecting anything different,, and try to help my kids do the same.


Yes, We all "want old daddy back".