Cathy, Okay, I finally had a chance to catch up since yesterday. Wow! He is confused. I think you're doing very well with it all too!
I agree no talking to OW, and don't make him choose you or her. He's itching for a reason to run. Again, just like Ellie said....if he wants out, let him choose all on his own, with no help from you. His guilt to deal with.
I'm on the other side Cathy, and I promise you....If this doesn't work out, you will have NO regrets for the stand you take today. It is well worth it. Plus, you become a stronger and better person because of it.
You've alredy learned so much, and you are amazing. You will continue to find that same sort of strength. Just wait until you see the kind of woman you can become! That will happen no matter what. I can tell, because I can already see it happening in you.
I hope you don't mind if I borrow your thread for a moment...I just saw a post under Infidelity/Jealousy....by 3lw4me. Her H just came home, and she could use some help. I think the group here is just what she needs. I hope some of you will stop by her thread.
I'll be back Cathy. I have to get back to work for now.
Keep the faith!
Me 47 Ex H 46 Bomb 9/02 D final 3/04 Ex H now married to OW
------------ This is surviving. There is no such thing as a normal life, there's just life. So get on with it and enjoy it!
I was not serious when I put that out there, talking to ow, what would it solve...nothing.
Tonight, before H heads north, as he's getting into his truck, I'm going to say the following:
I know you're confused and in pain over all that's happened. I just want you to know that I do love you and I believe that we can make our marriage work and heal from all of this pain. I know that you need time to figure things out for yourself and I am going to step back and let you do that. I love you and will try to still be here for you once you have sorted everything out. Give him a hug and tell him to have a great weekend and walk away.
Just an update, thank you for your support and kind words and encouragement today! I feel like a fool in some ways in that I feel like I was duped by my H. That H didn't move back here to work on marriage but as an escape from OW.
Quote: I know you're confused and in pain over all that's happened. I just want you to know that I do love you and I believe that we can make our marriage work and heal from all of this pain. I know that you need time to figure things out for yourself and I am going to step back and let you do that. I love you and will try to still be here for you once you have sorted everything out. Give him a hug and tell him to have a great weekend and walk away.
H just left here, I told him the above and H said "why didn't you say this last night?" He's off hunting for the weekend, took extra pants, t-shirts, all of his underwear and his clock radio so I'm not expecting H back here Sunday evening. I'm sure H will go back to OW's come Sunday night.
Son and I are off to a hockey game tonight!!! Should be great fun!!!
Quote: I feel like a fool in some ways in that I feel like I was duped by my H
you are so not the fool darlin, don't even think that. you have handled yourself so well in this you should be proud
you knew exactly what the story was from the beginning, you had absolutely no expectations and you were warned. you knew all the right things to say and said them and you proved to be an awesome db'r
you have your head together girl, he will come back, he just needs his time
question is, when he does come back, will you want him?
Quote: I told him the above and H said "why didn't you say this last night?"
Cathy, you are starting to get thru to him!! H has heard your words and will start to get the meaning behind them. It probably best now that he is going off hunting now. He will have no choice but to reflect on all that you have said.
You've rocked in the way you have handled yourself. You have truly found your inner strength and the stress cracks are starting to widen in the foundation of H & OW's R. Its just a matter of time, Cathy ... a matter of time until H figures out there's no future with OW ... a matter of time until H figures out his best chance at happiness is being M to you ... its all just a matter of time.
KAW and T2 (the awesome lady who gave me these words),
It wasn't very pretty, as I did get a little weepy or emotional I should say, but I am very proud of MYSELF for putting my feelings into actual words to my H, for the first time.
In the past, my conversations with H have been in my head, when it came time to actually SAY the words, I could never get them past my lips. So many feelings, thoughts were never said and that lead to the break down of our M.
Now is the time to put my fears aside and SPEAK to my H the words that are inside of me and believe me this was hard. I feel pretty darn good about SPEAKING to my H last night.
I guess you could say MY wall is starting to crack, I can be vulnerable. H saw the REAL me last night. H's face was so sweet when I was said this to him, his WALL was down too, we were both being very honest with our actions.
I'm off to a football game today with my sister and some friends. Should be a great day!!
You are getting such great advice, I can't add to it. But, I wanted to tell you that I am so very impressed by your stength and resolve as you wade through this very difficult time.
It is well worth it. Plus, you become a stronger and better person because of it. 
H has heard your words and will start to get the meaning behind them. It probably best now that he is going off hunting now. He will have no choice but to reflect on all that you have said.