What about getting married in the "church", but not by the state - is that at all possible?
Sure that's possible - if you think about it, that's what the gay community has done for a long time. I'd like to see that conversation though, where you try to talk your bride-to-be into being "married" but not married.
FWIW, it's not the women's fault. Sometimes life sucks. Bigger picture, there's a lot of sucky circumstances that challange us. We've got to pick ourselves up and be responsible for ourselves, how we cope.
I'm definitely crashing this week. I'm not sure if posting helps me, or helps me dig the hole. Have that tired, distracted, anxious feeling.
Funny, observing myself, I seem to have some control over the big swings with what I'm doing - generally push myself up with the postitive things I do. But when the bottom drops out rapidly, seems like I just have to ride it out. I have a sense that there is more I could do with more discipined thinking, that there is some indulgence in letting it happen, but I don't quite have my hands on the mental controls for it.
I was talking about being "married", but not be forced to the laws of the current state you live in. Married by the church in front of a congregation would be to show your community your committment, without laws getting in the ways of things ensuring that men get taken advantage of.
Oh by the way Geronimo, my WAW is currently trying to swing that exact ANOMALY on me!!! She doesn't mind being "married", but not married, because she wants no commitment to a marriage with me.
Geronimo, I know you're having a tough week man but you're still doing better. To be honest I'd trade places with you any day where my STBXW would show at least some signs of remorse/reconciliation etc as opposed to not responding to my emails (about our D or DD - or responding days later). So be thankful that you have the opportunity to decide which path you want to go down. You don't have to choose it right now though. Bill's advice is pretty much spot on.
I look at you with hope that one day I can be where you are and it's ok and understandable that you feel down every now and then. With time you'll only grow stronger.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
Had a small fight with her today over money. Leaving from picking up the kids, she said that she needed $75 to pay for June extended day. And I said, well what about the $40 you owe me for the router I had picked up for her (yes, Karen, I know, I shouldn't have done that ), and the money she took out of the joint checking to pay her cable / internet bill (not to mention the close to $1000 of propane / phone bills for the house when she was living here that she hadn't paid that is now on my credit card... but I didn't mention that)
And she said, what about the tens of thousands of dollars that I "screwed her out of" from the sale of the first house on a technicality (her name was never on the title as I bought it when I was single). Hm. I said, I didn't screw you out of anything, and she said just leave, I can't wait until this is over (I think she thinks that hurts me).
I felt more or less unphased... texted her later for something about the kids, she sent a brief reply.
None of this is that significant or particularly upsetting at this point, it's just what happened today. I guess a reminder to stay away from the edges of the map, thar be dragons. And it ain't worth it.
But I'd kind of hoped that going through mediation would have arrested these arguments about money. I'm no longer interested in the merits of either my or her arguements anymore, because we both compromised and agreed.
Band practice tonight here at the house, that was good (just me and a buddy). Grilled chicken for dinner for us all, that was good. Took care of my boys. Played tooth fairy.
You know, seems like changing my tax status to "single" and removing an exemption pretty much cancelled out ceasing contributions to my 401k. That really sucks. I'm not getting more money every month, I'm just sending more to the federal government instead of saving it.
I'm going to be filing as head of household next year, and the spousal support is deductable, so I'm not sure what's what yet with the withholding.
Well, feel like I'm returning to matter-of-fact-land again. Leveling off.
I feel like I'm waiting for something, but I don't know what... things are more settled, but I don't know. Maybe it is the signing. Something to bring this to a close, and move on to the next phase. I'm not sure what I'm trying to say, but maybe will think on this. Darn, I keep staying up too late.
Funny. Another heated discussion about the bills when I dropped the kids off (yeah, brought up all the other bills I'd been stuck with). And the she called while I was driving to work. And we resolved it with an agreement.
She is motivated to eliminate the possibility for lingering resentments. That's good.
Again, minor stuff. I am lucky, compared to a lot of the situations here. We do, in general, work together. We talk. We seek resolution. And then we joke and laugh a little with each other.
I've got to give her some credit for that I guess.
The drop off stuff, ugh. Luckily, during the school year right now I worked out a schedule where I rarely have to see her. The less I see her the better.
Me: 47, Ds 17-13, D final 6-11 http://tinyurl.com/yk4e2tz http://tiny.cc/thread2 http://tinyurl.com/ydtphqu http://tinyurl.com/thread4 http://tinyurl.com/3sm78k6 http://tinyurl.com/thread6
), and the money she took out of the joint checking to pay her cable / internet bill (not to mention the close to $1000 of propane / phone bills for the house when she was living here that she hadn't paid that is now on my credit card... but I didn't mention that)