I've totally got to read your thread... have to wait till the kids are in bed though...
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
So much of this is my life. Down to the perfectionist hubby (they are never truly happy b/c nothing is good enough), to the horrible nagging and bitchiness I did. To the disatisfaction about our sex live (well not any more though)....to my doneness and finally then my hubby agreeing to counseling and being more flexible on things....
I still have a lot to read but I wonder about the sex thing. Have you gone to bed naked? I hate to say it but laid next to him and taken his hand and starting doing stuff with his hand to you (can work sometimes), watching a movie in bed and then slowly put the moves on him? Talk alot during the day about how awesome sex is with him and how awesome it was when he did "so and so" event last time. Showers together?
I am very, very bold and will do very overtly sexual things, through the day jokingly but then not so much, if you know what I mean...
Has his testoterone been tested?
About the home repairs...ugg! We have been dealing with that for years but not as bad as your sitch. My hubby will do things over and over to make it perfect though... It's tough.
Anyhow, want to read the read of your thread tomorrow
Best June
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
Hey June, your sitch IS similar. Do you have any earlier threads I can go back and read?
You sound like you are doing wonderfully in the sex department--I aspire to be so bold!! I do see myself in the future being much better as I embrace this sort of thing now. I have always loved sex and been willing--it's just I haven't been flirty or dressed real daring or gone to bed naked (H steals covers and I get cold.) Flirting doesn't come naturally to me at all, but I'm wanting to change that.
Let me ask you though--how do you handle the rejection? or is there none at this point? I can handle rejection better when I am detached, and I feel pretty "daring" at this point, but along with the detachment I have lost "romantic love" for him bigtime. I am also not good at faking it.
So for now I have to stay detached in order to function in a non-reactive way with him. I think this is what I have to do for a while--I will "turn it on" more as he starts to get better in other areas.
I have been thinking of "scripts" and how they seem to be pretty powerful if said in the right way. I have been saying pretty consistently to my H "I need a man that goes to church with me." Tomorrow, he is going to church!
And just lately I have been saying "I need a man that has sex wtih me regularly". I am going to continue that one and see what happens.
There was no fight on Monday (wha??? no "meltdown Monday??!!"
There was nothing on Tues. (Figured he would wait til the day before he had to do 4 days in a row at work).
This a.m. I got his car washed and ran a couple of errands. I did cut it close in time--but there is a discount on Wednesdays and it is now "routine" for me to wash and vacuum his car, and fill it with gas. He called and stermly reminded me he needed to be at work at 10 (normally he leaves at 9:15, and I knew I'd be back at 9).
So I rush through vacuuming and get home at 9:05 and he's walking out the door. And tells me, again very harsh/stern, that I need to sign up S for an online Spanish class (what is the rush??) and get him with guitar lessons over the summer. I have been trying to find a GOOD person to take lessons with--not just anyone. He apparently looked through the yellow pages and found a couple there. But I am wanting to go the band banquet next Tues and find a few parents or kids that take lessons and can recommend someone.
I may call a couple of the yellow pages people and ask their experience and perhaps I will find a good one there--otherwise, I am going to have something my H has none of--patience--and find the RIGHT PERSON.
His not having a fight this week makes me SUPER nervous. I don't want to think "they are over", and I don't want to be waiting for something really ugly. Ugh.
Class went well last night--I was the oldest.lol. But the kids are adorable in their "fresh college nervousness". The instructor kept asking "who thinks this, and who thinks that". I kept getting them right, so she started calling on me last.lol. What a nice ego boost!
We live in a fabulous country where we can keep going to school for as long as we want. I want a "do-over" in many areas of my life and I am so blessed to actually GET one!!
HOw did you handle his sterness? DId you use your list of replies? Or did you just walk away? My H does the same thing and I hate it. Walking on eggshells is not good.
Also I see you are taking care of your needs - taking a class? Which class is it? Good for you for building more confidence!
The sterness is met with a positive and willing attitude.lol.
His LL is Acts of Service and I am always careful to say "Sure, Ok, not a problem....etc." I need to make sure when it is too much to say "I can do XYZ, but not ABCDEF..... " because he can be absolutely ridiculous.
When he has left me with tons of stuff that is where I turned from "willing" to "doormat".
Oh! my class is a prerequisite for nursing--nutrition! and it was very, very fun. I am excited to "analyze" what I eat--have never done that before and she is having next week's class at Publix (grocery store here in FL) to look at labels!
And I read over on your thread that you are looking into starting a business--that is GREAT! and hiking!! I LOVE to hike--S and I, when we went to South Dakota last year, did some major hiking (expert trails!) and had So much fun. Florida is pretty flat, so it was great to do some up-and-down that you don't get here.
Sunshine is supposed to be an antidepressant and I believe it!
A good exchange this a.m. I got to do "something" positive in that H had to take a shower for work, and I was still in the shower, and I came out naked and didn't bother to cover up. I normally would not have let him see me that way, but heck--I'm down almost? 20 pounds??
I also touched his arm as he left and told him to have a great day.
He left me with a couple of things to do, but not in a stern or mean way.
The progress is slow--I have to stop myself when I think of how little really is happening here. It's very, very depressing. I see that some people are "progecting in their mind" a positive relationship--I have tried it--what would my H be doing? I can't, even in my imagination, see him being loving to me or caring about me.
He hasn't attempted in almost 4 months to touch me. Not once.
I think I am feeling sad when I SHOULD be feeling angry. I need to do something and anger helps me at least DECIDE what to DO!
