I've been reading DR and reading sitches here and there, along with other self help books. WAW and I only talk on phone to or about our D5 and S3. We used to talk daily 3-4 times along with other txts and going to lunch weekly. More than most of our friends do or did. We were always very affectionate, kiss and a spank whenever we saw each other and always a kiss and ILY at bed. Our sex life was good about every 5-7 days and we made sure each other had our moments.
On 1/6/10 I got the ILY but not like a W should love a H. She moved out of the house on 1/11/10 to a friends house and got an apt on 2/6/10. Since she has been there she has been ellatedly happy and enjoys her freedom and time away from me and the kids, which to me is a red flag. She couldn't be away from the kids for a weekend w/out calling 3X a day.
She became depressed after living at my parents house for about a 14 months. We moved in to take care of my father as he had a few strokes and needed help daily. My Mum was going between here and her ailing mothers house. It was a lot for her to do and W and I agreed w/out any reservations to move in and help, it was our idea. All the while we were here we were trying to save money to buy a new house or just have some sort of savings. For whatever reason, normal life exps, we couldn't. WAW works as an Acct at a firm in town and my family owns 5 auto parts store along w/ some other stuff. We are both busy but family is always first. My F and GM both died, 2/10 and 4/10. Some time around 10/10 W was becoming depressed and looking for a house, any house, and was on FB nonstop nightly after we put kids to sleep. We were a team that worked like a well oiled machine. We would take turns w dinner, dishes tubbies, dropping/picking up kids...everything, laundry, shopping...
Anyways, she is out and happier than ever it seems. I am a long ways from happy. I do a lot and always have, working, hunting, fishing, hiking and above all playing w kids. Now kids are gone a week at a time and it kills me. I talk to them at 730am and pm for about 5 minutes. Even then its just 'hi-bye-love you-bye', she says they are resilient and will be fine, D5 is going to see a IC b/c say pulled herself into a ball and now S3 is acting out, hitting, choking, scratching his friends for no reason other than they were there.
Tonight she is at a comedy club and at first she was going w her GF, cool great have fun and sure I'll watch the kids, its her week to have them. She tells me now however, she is going w a guy she met on FB. They are just friends and just started talking online just this week.
Well please just give me a little guidance and some reassurance if there is any to give...
Hi there, you are dealing with an affair and would be wise to post on the infidelity section. You both are still married and the just"friends" thing is total cr@p!
She left for a reason.... to pursue an affair.
Sorry to tell you this.
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
Personally I would gather intel with a PI to gain proof and then after getting good advice here....confront.
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
I've been watching your sitch here and there too, thanks for the advice...
I checked her FB acct and she just friend OM just a week ago. She did have an EA w the realator she was looking for houses with. He is recently D'ed and was a shoulder to cry on.
First time I talked to her about anything besides kids was last night. when she told me she was going w this OM to comedy show, OM lives 50 miles away. She has been feeling guilty for hurting me, kids and others in the family, said she has been crying herself to sleep at night. Welcome to the club right...I get about 4 hrs nightly still.
We are seeing a MC about every 3 to 4 weeks. She is just there to feel like she is trying but I know she is just there to make herself feel better. She has been feeling a lack of loving me for about a 1 1/2 yrs...When I asked her again what the problems are she brings up stuff from 4 years ago about my not being around as much before son was born...and some re-occuring problems that she can't come up with...
I felt as though she was willing to try but now with a new OM, I'm back to square one!
Boundaries! I am not the best at them but there are people here that are really good at that.
Read Hold on to your NUTS.. And if you can add a signature line it helps others to know what is going on.
I would definitely post in the infidelity section and I have a strong opinion on getting intel. I think it is easier to have a solid plan when you know the real truth, IMO...
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
I do need to set boundaries. Being seperated and her off on her own, she, and I for that matter, can do what ever we want. She is doing very well in making her way to D. She has a lot of help in that feild too. Her parents were both D'ed, her sister is, and a girl at her work is going thru one now, they are actually going to a parenting class together on 5/19 that is mandatory for seperation or D.
I will post there too...
I have seen the Squirrel book at Amazon and will get it 2morrow...
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M 36 W 36 T 12yrs M 8yrs D 5 S 3 Bomb 1/06/10 W moved out 1/11/10 got apt 2/6/10 1st EA 12/09-3/10 2nd EA 4/25/10->
Sounds like a MLC. She is establishing a new life, and will leave you with the kids as much as possible. You need to start on some 180's, take the kids fishing, swimming, etc. And just invite your W along. Be prepared for no to be the answer, and just act as if and go have fun. The infidelity forum may have some different advice, but not the traffic of newcomers. Shock
She is certainly in a MLC. When we talk on the phone, about kids stuff, it is like we are back in time. Everything is rosy and going great...but I know it isn't. She is doing everything to the tee of how to D with dignity...happy, friendly, caring, doesn't ask about me and I don't ask about her.
Today is the day I am supposed to pick up kids for the week but I have to work Saturday and W and I worked out that she'll have them tonight and I'll pick them up after work. She mentioned she would like to all get together on Mother's day for dinner. I agreed and half heartedly thought she might be willing to try and see if there are feeling left. But after the Email about her and her 'friend', OM, and convo on phone about it, I'm not so sure I want to...They went to a comedy show last night and he ended up staying over. This morning she didn't call to talk to the kids either. She must have been busy...She has missed 15 calls in the 4 months of S, where I have missed zero...
I am at the point now where I'm not sure if I want to stay married. I feel like calling her and saying you win here's your D, and then again I love her so much I want to wait and see what transpires. I know she loves me but she is lost at the present....
hey hopeful, i seen you posted on my thread and i just wanted to check in with you. So she has a old friend who she really enjoys being with now and you have told her it is o.k as long as no sex, to which she agreed with, huh. Well I'll call BS on that.. If it hasn't become physical yet it will be shortly.
So, first off know that you are only in control of yourself. So take this time to learn about yourself, and become the man you always wanted to be. Walk away's don't understand logic, you have to reach them through emotions. You have come to the right place with 100's of others going through the same crap. Heal yourself, then move on with your life... meaning date, have fun, enjoy your life... This is your best chance to win her back.. if that is what you really want after you see what else is out there. Fake it till you make it, be strong and know that there are plenty of fish in the sea.
