rysmom's story

[rysmom]

I think my prayers are being answered by some of the things that happened today. Im going to go back to the monastery tomorrow for an hour or more. I love to go there it is so peaceful. It is Holy Face Monastery and they have a replica of the Holy Shroud there. I also listen in my car to Charlyne Steinkemp tapes from Rejoice Marriage Ministries all day. I couldn't get through the day without them.
I didn't call h for 3 days either, maybe it gave him time to think. I prayed that God would speak to him in his dreams.

[MrBond]

But you have no actual proof. Did you actually think that maybe from you constantly bringing it up is going to make him want to do those things. It's almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

[rysmom]

I am very sad today. h said he is going to come with the police tomorrow to get his stuff. i dont know what to do. His mother called me and said really mean and nasty things. I think it is over and Im so depressed. My lawyer said dont let him take anything but I know this will lead to d if I stop him.

[bluestar]

Call your L asap. The L will need to intervene if he brings the police. Seriously, it's mother's day. Tell him to pick a different day. Don't listen to anything that his mother is saying. She's only getting one side of the story.

[TrentC]

I am very sad today. h said he is going to come with the police tomorrow to get his stuff. i dont know what to do.

Call your lawyer. I don't know what the law is like where you live, but I helped a person move out of her house pending a divorce and they had a very clear itemized list from the court saying what she was allowed to take out of the house. I don't know that he can just come over with some cops and take whatever he wants.

And I echo what bluestar said: what kind of man plans to come over on Mother's Day to do this? He seems to have very little respect for you or your feelings.

His mother called me and said really mean and nasty things.

Ignore her; odds are good that she is only getting one side of the story. And that will be his mess to clean up, one way or the other.

I think it is over and Im so depressed.

Of course you are. You are choosing to believe the worst about the situation.

I went back and looked and you started posting again in October of 2009. It is now the beginning of May. That's seven months, and you seem to be in the same place you were when this started again.

How much time have you lost where you could have been working on a positive plan of action for your life instead of snooping in his web history and stalking him?

How has anything you have tried to do helped the situation? One of the core tenets of DBing is if some approach doesn't work, try another one.

You say your Christian counselor is helping; what kind of advice are you getting from them? What about talking to a marriage counselor or a personal counselor?

My lawyer said dont let him take anything but I know this will lead to d if I stop him.

And what do you think will happen if you let him take his stuff?

You're reacting out of fear, and you have done nothing but react out of fear the entire time. Every time he says or does something, you fall apart.

[rysmom]

My counselor is a marriage and family therapist. She tells me to focus on my own life, take good care of my son and don't call or go by h house. She give very good advice I just find it difficult to do it.
Today was very bad i called h every name in the book after he said he would come with police. He said he wants his guitar too, and I know it is to play with her and I breaks my heart. He said if i dont give him $25,000 motorcycle and guitar he will go buy another one. He has no money saved for sons college but he spends like this.

I dont see how he could say he was sorry last night for a and send us dinner and then act like this. probably just another manipulation.

[seeking answers]

rysmom, why can't you understand that the things that your H and is saying and doing are the kind of things that MLCers do while going through their crisis? Why can't you understand that you need to detach and step back from these things to protect yourself and your S?

Detaching doesn't mean that you stop loving your H, it's a protection for you. If your C and everyone who has posted to you keeps giving you the same advice why aren't you trying to follow it? What are you getting from this that keeps you doing the same things over and over?

It's time to concentrate on you. You can't fix your H, but you can work on fixing yourself.

(((Hugs)))

[job]

If your h is coming over today w/the police to get his belongings, the only things that he should be removing are: personal items, i.e., clothes, jewelry, toothbrush, etc., and those items that he purchased prior to the marriage. If he has cameras or equipment that he uses for his job, then allow him to take those. However, you need to document what he is taking. All other items are considered jointly owned and would need to be discussed, negotiated and agreed upon for a split in assets. Walk the space w/him and make sure that the police here every word that is said and when he's done, ask the police for a report. You may need this later as proof of what he's taken and the conversation that transpires. You will need to be strong today and do not cry or beg. Treat him as you would the termite exterminator. Business face today.

My xh came to our home w/two deputies in 2000. He arranged the escort w/o me knowing about it, but it backfired on him because he demanding items that I had completed (cross stitched items) and items that I had purchased after he left. The deputies realized he had screws loose and watched him closely. I asked him twice if he had gotten all that he came for and his response to my final question was that he would go back and make a list of what he wanted. I told him that he had better take what he wanted while he was here or there would be no more requests for items from the home. He did go back to his lawyer and state that he hadn't gotten all of his personal items....I responded by submitting to my lawyer the police report that I had requested along w/a listing of items that he took. His lawyer never raised the issue again....my xh got nothing more from the home.

Stay strong! I will be thinking of you and praying for you today. It's never easy, but when they show up w/the police, now that's a different story.

[MrBond]

rysmom,

Quite honestly I don't think there is OW. I think you're bitter that your H left and come here for the attention. Aside from a few spam mails that he gets, you haven't any evidence of OW. Personally I think you seriously need help for your depression. And I'm talking about the pharmaceutical kind.

Give your H the motorcycle and his guitar. Stop holding his things hostage. Start letting go.

"He said if i dont give him $25,000 motorcycle and guitar he will go buy another one. He has no money saved for sons college but he spends like this."

For God's sake woman. It's his motorcycle give it to him. You tend to thrive on drama and how wronged you were. I haven't seen a single post about your son and how you've helped him. IF he's actually hurt. All we've heard is ME ME ME.

Get off your @$$ and do something positive. No one wants to hear how depressed you are AGAIN! True we ALL get depressed. Read about the people who had to go through terminal illness or being pregnant. They are 10 times in worse shape than you, yet they get the help they need.

As far as I can tell, there's nothing wrong with you, yet you gripe and whine about how pitiful things are. YOU make them pitiful. Do something. Get meds. Something that will help you with a clear head.

[1000ships]

Rysmom,

Have you read the detachment article yet?

That is not a rhetorical question.