Completely Blindsided

[blind]

Thanks Moon,

I'd seen the first thread earlier this evening, but I haven't read the link yet... getting on to that next.

I'm trying to stay active. It's been pretty hard, as in the last 10 years, most people I know have left town.... and everyone still here has their own lives that I'm trying to reintegrate into.

It means I've got some things to do from time to time.... but then I get days like today. It's mother's day in aus... and my parents wanted to spare me awkward family moments, so set up a 1-1 lunch for themselves with my nan.... good in some ways, bad in others, as it left me in the house with only my mind as company.

I'm an over thinker at the best of times, but at the moment I feel like I'm training for the olympics!

SO.... I got out and went for a walk... again, too much time thinking.... so I made the walk a challenge....

I ended up running up a hill through dense scrub and nearly breaking my neck several times. To get up and back down took a bit over 4 1/2 hours, and has left me physically drained. I've rewarded myself and said that I don't need to do my squats tonight (in part because I don't think I could even if I wanted to!).

But now it's night again, and that's the hardest time. The solo, dark, quiet time where there really is nothing you can do. I've missed her a lot this weekend... but I guess that's to be expected. I'm really trying for the PMA... just sometimes are much easier than others.

I don't know how everyone else does it... and I've got a load of people telling me I'm doing great!? Weird how when people tell you that, all you think of is how terrible you feel.

I've always been terrible at crying. I'm trying to get better and allow my emotions to flow... I've also been told that It's healthy... both the oxygen, plus some endorphins that make you feel better... but they don't always come.

Weird. I posted before feeling chipper but having done nothing... now I'm exhausted from doing stuff, but feeling very down.

Oh well, no one said we had to like the sitch we find ourselves in, just that we have to deal with it.

Tomorrow is another day.