Hi Whatisis. I've read the book so many times it's nearly falling apart! Along with the rest of the recently acquired shelf of self help and relationship books.
I've been a bit stuck with just LRT really from when I found this place due to feeling that I had to move out rather than her on the day of the bomb. The few weeks of grovelling and self flagellating, doing all the things she said were lacking before I got here were obviously useless, and I don't think I would've bothered if I'd known about the OM at that point. I'd already woken up a few weeks before she dropped the bomb, and been doing BoPeep extra housework and being extra attentive to her, making her feel loved, and she admitted that all these things were fantastic, but still did it anyway. I went to RC on my own for a month after the bomb, and she refused point blank to come except for on one occasion to "help me get over it." I cancelled that as I found out about the OM 2 days later. I probably did about 7 weeks of BoPeep in total prior to and after the bomb. Exposing the affair to her family and the OM's and my workplace hasn't done anything it seems, apart from get him a bit socially alienated at work, and get me a lot of support there.
The only thing that's really worked so far really is the NC and GAL - I feel much better for it, and the detatchment has allowed me to get on with my life very successfully. I am firmly in control again, and have been for some time. The resumption of power over my life at first was heady, and nice! Regarding 180s I'd already done quite a few before finding this place, and plenty since then too. But I doubt she finds out about them as we're so very separate these days. We just have one mutual friend remaining, and she tells me she doesn't discuss anything about our marriage with the STBXW, although the STBXW always asks how I am apparently. I'm working on stopping asking the reciprocal question!
Following yesterday's events I'm not entirely sure whether either the starting dating, or the standing by my word and starting court action for the money she owed me prompted the visit from her. I'm hoping she noticed how good I'm looking, the other woman standing in my kitchen, the nice clean and tidy house (the housework will kind of be a 180 in her eyes as she was adamant I never did any, even though I did and have always been capable of looking after a house on my own before we lived together!) I think it's less likely the dating as I kept that very close to my chest and can't think how STBXW would've heard about it. Only 3 people knew and none of them have had any contact with the STBXW or any of her circle. We can't have been seen in town as we went to a small cosy pub off the beaten track.
So I need to keep GAL, keep working on me, and keep happy. Drop the rope. I don't have any "tough love" opportunities left unless she comes towards me again. I'm just waiting for the separation papers. I can't serve them any earlier than her, as we're stuck waiting for our first anniversary for it to be legally possible. And I'd rather not waste my money on solicitors when she's already paid. Let her foot the bill I say! I'm going to carry on dating, and maybe be a bit more public about it.
JacT!
Yep, a tiny little bit of me hopes she's going to come round before it's too late as well. But 99.9% of me accepts she isn't coming back, but I'm a good, loving, decent and more recently very relationship savvy human being, so it's her loss. If she's stupid enough to trade me in for that manipulative, cheating, shallow, ugly psychopath, then she's too stupid for me.
Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.
