tired of trying...

[beingreal]

From an email I sent a friend last night after she told me I am not solely responsible...

I know you're right about this being both of our faults, hard to believe when both of us keep pointing the finger at each other.

I've said it so many times, "...by the time you start paying attention to what I'm saying I AM screaming because I'm so pissed off that you've ignored me for so long!"

Maybe that's why he got so bad & went to the extremes he did--he'd run out of ways to tell me. WE know there were other options, but we are women, we have an unlimited well of words to describe how we're feeling.

(S2) just the other day threw a temper tantrum, got so mad he slapped me, got into trouble & ended sobbing in my arms. He was mad & had no way to convey it.

Not that H, or any man, is the same as a sleep deprived toddler--but you get the drift. You can't expect him to even understand something he may have never felt before, much less express it in a calm rational way to a woman who's spent years thinking she was Princess Pollyanna.

I don't excuse his behavior. But at least I can understand it a little.

And start to forgive it.

I was just wrong. I don't say that very often.