Yes, Cathy, our sitches seem SO similar. I know that if I offered up an ultimatum right now it would give my H the excuse he needed to stay with her. He so desperately wants me to be an a@@ so that he will have an excuse and can blame me for his being with her. I know this. He has blamed me for everything so far. He is finally starting to be responsible for SOME of what he has done.
So, I agree with Ellie, if you pressure now, like he wants you to do and thinks you will do, I think that will be the end. I know it would be for my sitch.
A very good friend on this board gave me some very excellent advice this morning.
"He needs you to give him the security that he is looking for and instead satan is making you want to run. Your husband is crying out to you. Asking you to show him that dropping the OW and coming back to you isn't going to destroy him either. He loves you and he loves your children. He wants his family back, but satan keeps putting it into his head that if he risks going back to you and dumping the OW that he has a very good chance of losing everything."
I think this is the time that you and I need to DB more than ever, use this bb and our cars to vent. Calling very good friends that you know will support you in what you are doing (not tell you to dump him...).
I'm here for you too.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
I positively do NOT agree with the LRT and kicking H out! Absolutely NOT! No ultimatims, unless you are prepared to loose H for GOOD! Let him go if he wants to but I agree with kml, let it be because he feels guilty not because he can say you are a ^itch! Drop the rope, give H space and love from a distance!
Cathy, And no talking to OW (that's a cheeseless tunnel...) or anyone else that would tell you things re H and OW. You don't need that. Plus, I guarantee H will find out and it will send your R backwards. It will be seen a manipulative.
This is a difficult sitch. H is at home, but not because HE necessarily wanted to come home. He is going to have to do his OW recovery at home. Unfortunately, he is watching YOUR every move, so I know it will be stressful for you. But you have knowledge on your side. You know where he is going when he goes there. DB, DB, DB.
Every move you make, think first. Pray first. Take care of yourself.
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Next time he's bugging you, remember that imaginary kick in the butt at the front door! And imagine throwing his stuff out the windows!! Give him an imaginary finger (which ever one you want to give, LOL). Be strong! If he doesn't come home, sleep on his side, watch a chik flik, eat popcorn in the bed, whatever, ENJOY YOURSELF!!! You go girl!
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
That's what I did last night, put my little flannel blanket on his side, H said why are you doing that, I said it keeps me warm and then I went to bed there...this was before H knew if H was staying or not...
You're with someone body and soul, heart and mind. Yet you can't ignore passing beauty at the edge of your vision. Prove to your partner in every possible way that nothing could ever tempt you to leave him or her.
