Somehow, I don't think if you extended a hand to your H that he would reject you...when 2 are afraid of rejection the only way to get around it is for one to take the first step...
If H didn't want to leave, had ended the A, and is with OW only because he fears being alone I would think you have a very good chance of working on things and coaxing him to consider returning home...
A stale mate continues as long a no one makes a move...my H rejected me a few times...quite strongly stating he would never move home, never live with me again...and he WANTED to leave when he moved out...
I see so many positives in your sitch...really think you need to start looking at one you can do with them when your ready to face the issues...
