What does this mean?- the WH's regrets?

[gatsby11]

Hey guys, also there's this post in MLC about how you got your screen name. So fun! Quite a few people have posted why they created their names. What about you guys? Newmama is pretty obvious :), but Babydoll? And Piano? I'm curious!

[Babydoll]

Let me see... Babydoll? Nickname my mom called me and H stuck to it for years...

Gatsby, definitely sounds like your H is in Mental Crisis and is terribly afraid of having a baby.

NM, Im not sure the amount of years we spent together makes a difference. I met H 17 years ago... He always said he liked me and we were young teenagers! He tortued me and became friends w me and I never really like him that way. We decided 12 years ago, to be friendly, as we would get into little tiffs about silly things, like he would make fun of guys I liked and so on.

We decided to be friends and a week later, we BOTH agreed that we felt like we fell for each other... HARD.

We dated for 6 years before we got engaged, pretty much to finish college and start careers, etc. We were always a part of each other lives.

We got married, and I truly can remember thinking I Was the happiest human soul alive! Family and friends tell us it was the best wedding ever bc our love for one another overpowered the room and exhuded through our skin.

H and I planned to start a family in the fall 2009. Last summer I became a little scared bc I was worried about H's schooling and wanted him to not have to stress about finances while we were PG etc. He is the one who would say, we can do this!!! We are both ready!!! I always said I would know when I was ready... well just because... I tend to rely on my instincts.

H and I talked about it in Sept and we were so happy an excited and started to plan for a baby!!! We decided to get PG in October and looks like this little soul was anxious to come to us, as we got PG right away! H was ecstatic! Happier than I'd ever seen him... like on our wedding day. He showed no signs of depression or fear. December was rough for him school wise. He had a series of difficult exams, and was studying a lot. Now H says he feels him putting school first instead of us, created the distance. He says all otehr couples dedicate their first few years of M to each other, and him with school, caused a drift. Words from his mouth.

i also think pregnancy was a trigger for him to feel like he couldnt handle us anymroe. Actually I noticed that the past 4 months he still would say he had so much school stuff to do and used it as an excuse. And now that his workload is lightening up and he has a little bit of free time, he is starting to remember me and the baby.

I once said to him (given to me by his sister), you are about to come into a life that you worked so hard for. All the sacrifices that were made to better yourself and your family, financially, emotionall, physically, are finally falling into place. Why walk away now, without trying to see how our M and our family could be without all of those stressors.

Sorry I wrote such a long post... i realize that although we have so many similiarities among us, we have our differences too and we are still all in the same boat!

[gatsby11]

BD, your H wants a baby so badly! That's so great. I hope he comes around, I really do.

NM, I didn't answer the question about three years ago. I don't know. I'm racking my brain right now, but I'm not coming up with much. Maybe just that we started seeing them more often? Hmm. Going to keep thinking.

Well, back in 2005 when we were about to leave the Peace Corps, he says that we had a fight about having kids. I do not remember it. I think it could be true, I don't know. He says that back then I said if he didn't want kids that I didn't want to be with him. I could have said that. I don't remember the fight, but it's possible. For some reason it really bothers him because he's mentioned it quite a few times since our split. (Is he trying to blame it on me? I don't know.) But maybe his Mom Resentment started around then.

Got back from breastfeeding class: soooo informative! I feel a lot better about the whole thing. We'll see how it goes!

[Piano]

I once said to him (given to me by his sister), you are about to come into a life that you worked so hard for. All the sacrifices that were made to better yourself and your family, financially, emotionall, physically, are finally falling into place. Why walk away now, without trying to see how our M and our family could be without all of those stressors.

Yup, BD. This ^^^

G, I liked the breastfeeding classes too. Felt quite reassured afterwards.

Have just been rereading your sitch again from scratch..up to pg 8..might have to do second half later. It was really informative to re-read your exchange with NM about the WAH's crying. I thought my Hs crying meant something recently, but realise now it's just part of their grieving...

[newmama]

So Gatsby, was just rereading to see that you planned to get pregnant starting in December, but it happened in September instead (you didn't think you'd be fertile but you were).

Did your H ever accuse you of doing that on purpose- getting pregnant before December (lol- you know what I mean)?

I have to tell you that in 3/4 of our sitches, it seemed that our Hs were ready to start a family, yet we all got pregnant when THEY weren't expecting it.

Gatsby- September instead of December

Piano- your H started to say you should wait until you moved countries and you got pregnant the natural way, unexpected

Me- got pregnant a week after I ended birth control and a week after WH said he was ready-we both expected it to take a few months

BD- you are the exception I think because your H has been ecstatic about being a dad and was thrilled to learn you were pregnant until a few months later but now he is excited again(is that right?)


2/4 have OWs for sure (Me and Piano)

2/4 have Hs who are adamant about being involved as a dad
(Me and BD)

2/4 aren't sure how involved their Hs will be (Gatsby and Piano)

4/4 were happy in their marriage before pregnancy

But all of us were abandoned by our Hs during our pregnancy.
OK sorry I don't know why I tried to point all those things out...just trying to understand. Trying to find clues!

[newmama]

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY GATSBY!!! I really hope you are pampered a little (A LOT) today!

[gatsby11]

Thanks Newmama! Happy Mother's Day to you, too. If I could, I'd send you healthy gorgeously decorated cakes!

I love the analysis you did there. . . it's really quite interesting.

He said that I BETRAYED him by getting pregnant in September! I said to him, "If I betrayed you, then you DECEIVED me into thinking it was okay!" I've expressed many times that yes, I should have told him I wasn't on bc, but I really really really didn't think that we'd get pg that fast. And, man, we were married for 8 years and talking about kids! So to me, it really shouldn't have mattered that it was a little early. But yep, it mattered to him.

Coincidentally, very shortly before we got pregnant, I was explaining to him how I "knew" I was infertile. You want to know what he said? He said, "Well, then we'll adopt. And they will be Smiths." (That's not our last name.) It was probably the best thing he'd ever said to me-- that our Team would take on adopted kids if we couldn't have our own. That was a nice night.

Getting lots of stuff done right now, considering nannies and daycares, pediatricians, writing birth plan, etc. I finally have enough energy to do something today!

[Piano]

NM, interesting exercise. Can I tweak mine a bit?



In 2/4 of our sitches, it seemed that our Hs were ready to start a family, yet we all got pregnant when THEY weren't expecting it.

Gatsby- September instead of December

Piano- pregs after 14months of trying. H was a bit stressed by the end and suggested (lightly) a pause in treatment/trying. Happy it happened naturally. 8 months pregs - H says he 'regrets' having baby with me.

Me- got pregnant a week after I ended birth control and a week after WH said he was ready-we both expected it to take a few months

BD- you are the exception I think because your H has been ecstatic about being a dad and was thrilled to learn you were pregnant until a few months later but now he is excited again(is that right?)


2/4 have OWs for sure (Me and Piano)

2/4 have Hs who are adamant about being involved as a dad
(Me and BD)

2/4 aren't sure how involved their Hs will be (Gatsby and Piano)

4/4 were happy in their marriage before pregnancy


Actually think I just said the same thing but a different way! Any other tweaks, Gatsby and BD?

Happy mothers day to you all!

[gatsby11]

Piano, how'd ya get your screen name? Do you play the piano? Is it a nickname you've had? Or did you just look around your room, see a piano, and pick that?

[Babydoll]

Happy Mother's Day Gatsby!!!