I discovered H affair in January. Asked him to stop. He doesn't want to do cold turkey. He wants to phase her out. Why? Why does he owe more to this woman than he does to me? He says he loves me and that she and him are "just friends" now, he isn't leaving me for her, he won't wind up with her if our marriage can't be saved, etc, etc. I've made it clear that I won't stay if she's still apart of his life. Can any unfaithful spouses out there help me understand why its so hard for him to give the OW up?
10 years ago I was unfaithful in a previous relationship. It would be hard to talk to me or to be nice to me to get me to stop what I was doing. What would have stopped me from what I was doing or a better chance of it was if my then GF would have dumped me. Or if my then GF would have put me in trouble with the law or have me robbed, etc. I would have woke up and found it more profitable to come home.
Outside of this, my fantasy was stronger than my home for the romantic side of thngs. I still had alot of respect and love for my wife at the time it was I was addicted to the affair like they say. The "in love" feeling.
Your not going to convince a wayward to quit, they will not see your point of view and being in the affair cause their empathy for you - at least when its related to the relatonship portion to not exist.
So your best shot at this is busting his affair, no matter how you do it. Also if your H is doing some things on "the edge" that won't get him serious jail time, but will get him looked at - it will help to get him to stop some of the things he's doing.
The other thing we are running into "robx" method, do you really want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?
I believe in a marriage, you do what you can to make it work but at a certain time you may as well let go.
