I have been following your situation, not posting much since my divorce was final in 12/10....but today when I read HB's and SA's posts something inside me jumped up and down shouting "Yes! Yes! Yes!" I know that your situation seems dark now, but from what I've read on these boards and my own situation I really believe what HB said.
Originally Posted By: HeartsBlessing
think about it, on the other hand, usually when a person actually gets what they want they find it was NOT what they wanted all along...and end up coming back to what they left...it would NOT be settling, as what they left was the best thing they had, but could NOT see that because of the fog....but the light of reality can be an interesting thing.
I was reflecting on this yesterday, and I realized that this might be what drives your husband BACK toward you....OW is a total mess, and may be TOO much for him to handle...we can only hope this is the case.
My XH is in a MLC I believe, triggered by the failing health of his alcoholic mother. She was admitted to the hospital 3 times in the months before the bomb. He was pretty manic for about 5 months after he dropped the bomb. As soon as he bought a house of his own he jumped into an intense relationship with a new woman. Within 2 months that flame burned out. I found out that he was unhappy with her and was planning to "dump" her. However, before he could do that, she (OW) dumped him in a 3 page e-mail in which she told him everything that was wrong with him. That was 9 months ago and he hasn't dated anyone seriously since then. So when HB says this can be a dose of reality for them and a lesson they aren't able to learn in any other way, I believe her!
The interesting part about my sitch is that God in his grace has allowed me to know what is going on in H's/XH's life. The woman who was dating his BMF at that time contacted me and we have become good friends. XH's sister (lives out of town) also began contacting me 6 months ago and we have visited a few times. I also visit his mother in the Alzheimers care facility every 2-3 weeks or so. My point in describing this is to say that I have been lovingly detached for 1 1/2 years now, but get intermittent updates on XH's mental state from these people. This I believe is the grace of God letting me know that XH is moving along on his path to understanding and I am very grateful for that. I am focused on moving forward and becoming a better person and a better partner for someone in the future (XH or someone else) but this knowledge is giving me the closure I need and allows me to keep the door cracked open a bit. HB has said over and over again in her posts that it's not really over until the LBS walks away or the XH is remarried.
I believe that God has allowed circumstances in XH's life to give him doubt that he made the right decision (his mother almost died 3 months ago, XH may need a knee replacement in the future, XH just turned 57, and XH's relationship with his BMF of 30 years is on the rocks). I've seen XH 3 times over the last month and for the first time I saw receptivity in his eyes ----- 20 months after the bomb and 27 months after he first sunk into his deep depression.
I will pray the "hedge of thorns" prayer for you. Let God and the universe teach your H the lessons that he needs to learn. This will turn him into the kind of partner you deserve in the future. He's broken now.
