And Gardener, I wish you would drop the proceedings. For you. That's in the past.
For whatever reason, your W was looking for a way out of your M and chose to use the MC to facilitate that. IMO your W bears full responsibility for her choice and you should hold her fully accountable. I get frustrated that there haven't been more advocates for our M, but I remind myself that H DIDN'T seek out people who would support our M or help him to reconnect with me and get his needs met. The choice to seek out people who are going to rip apart a M is a deliberate one.
I don't know if you read my post about my sister and her H going to my former IC for MC. When the MC showed that he was obviously biased against her H, even though she was desperate for validation and for the C to take her side, she stood up for her H was appalled by his behaviour. Not saying it was an equivalent situation, but I'm just trying to contrast what it looks like when there are M problems but the W is committed to working out the problems and is NOT going to let anyone get in the middle of that, including a C.
This is a good time for you to focus on the present Gardener. How can you seek pleasure today? What can you do today that will improve your quality of life? I'm sorry, I just don't see how processing that past betrayal helps you right now. This terrible MC stuff is about the story of Gardener being a victim. I want better for you Gardner! You were badly treated, but now is the time to reinforce your self-perception and calm, cool, collected, and confident man (Gnosis' 4 Cs).
hugs to you.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
