Is this piecing?

[flowmom]

Hope, my kids have a great time with H. He goes out of his way to be Fun Dad with them, and there have been an unusual amount of presents, kid treats, fun outings, etc. And the kids are in total pursuer mode with him. To them he is the WAD (walk away dad). He rarely sees their vulnerability or distress. I have felt like chopped liver at times and it doesn't feel great. But I constantly redirect my thoughts about this stuff to:

"it's awesome that my children are having fun"
"it's great that H is creating wonderful memories with the children"
"no one can take away the love that my children and I have for each other"

I don't just try to act as if with this stuff. I truly try to feel it in my heart so that my children are not picking up on a residue of resentment, suspicion, etc. from me. I see that as part of my coparenting job: truly acknowledging, supporting, and celebrating H's role in their life. And I truly believe that overnight visitation with H has helped my children to cope with this situation. Now they don't feel left out of his life, and they can feel that he has made space for them in his new life. To me coparenting falls hugely short of the potential of life as an intact family. But if that's all I have to work with, I am going to funnel all my guilt and distress about this outcome into being the best coparent that I can be. That's one of the few areas of control that I have here.

hugs to you. I'm proud you, you're taking great steps.