1000S and CK thank you. There is a lot of food for thought in these posts. My issue is that I know what I contributed to this mess. HE is not totally to blame..
But from now on... I am taking charge of my anxiety/panic.
I really have been improving over years (old complaints) But I have been "DEAD SEXY spot on" (no AO's) for about 9 weeks.
And I get a tsunami of hate in reply. He is being impossible. I shoot ofr the target (what he says he wants) and the BLEEPING target moves! (now my "sins" are other things)
I guess I just can't "pull my head out of my ass" fast enough.
venting...venting...venting. He seriously was not this way for 20 years. HE is BIG in the church group-- thinks he is just a "great guy".
I think he had a Freaudian slip yesterday. WHen I asked him about the "notes" he has been keeping, I said "They are not really going to heop you get anything. All they are is your opinions of how you think I have been acting.. no one really cares. The only purpose I see in you bringing this up/keeping them is to belittle me".
His reply?... along the lines of; "That's quite O.K. if it is degrading/humiliating to you.".... (wha? why is it "OK" to humiliate me?)
I am going back to re read. The LBS thread was interesting.
I really think he wants to go. But does not have the Kahones to do it. HE can threaten with papers, and mean things, but he is What comes out of his mouth, and his actions do not add up. I have told him that I am watching his actions. (But of course, my interpretations of his actions are always "misguided and wrong") so very, very sad.
I think he thinks he is "detaching" from me everytime he walks out. If we have a conversation, if it gets uncomfortabel for him, he storms out. I really see this as an excuse to go.
I do not have AO's, call names or anything. I just sit there with my heart on my sleave and he denies me.
