May I ask how long you have noticed the changes in him? I ask that because my husband was going to church with me the whole time up until he left. I noticed changes in him over 2 years ago and they just got progressively worse. He kept distancing himself from me. Since you have read so much, I'm sure it's no surprise to you that it gets worse before it gets better.
I would definitely start putting money back for yourself. I only wish I had some warning before my h left.
My H has began withdrawing from me 2 years ago. He says he has felt us drifting apart a couple of years before that, but just kept going day by day. Of course during that time, he still treated me like a wife. So, I believe he has been in MLC about 4 years.....so not that early into things. He says it was the sporting event and medical problems afterwards that made him more vocal about his unhappiness.
He doesn't have some of the more severe MLC symptoms. He is not spending exorbitant amounts of money. He does take out a small amount of weekly money in cash that doesn't go through our debit account. He is purchasing things that he needs, but just never bought on his own.
Honestly, CK, I believe he is on the other side of the worst of the MLC. He no longer has "dead eyes". He used to look at me with complete irritation any time I would speak. Now, it is like he is trying to do better and catches himself from time to time. There are other things that concern me....some likely true causes and some my head has convinced me to worry. Either way, they are symptoms of something bigger and out of my control.
My H has never cycled between wanting to be with me and wanting out of the marriage. He just makes statements "I don't want to be in this relationship, but divorce/separation would be too hard on the kids."
I am not naive and know that he could leave at anytime. However, it isn't something I dwell on either. If he leaves, I believe it will be what he needs to do to come to the conclusion his issues are internal and nothing external can truly fix them. It would hurt beyond belief as I love him so deeply, but I have no control over him.
My H never stopped telling me he loved me until we went to MC. When he told the counselor that he cared about me, but wasn't "in love" with me, I told him it just confused me when he said that he loved me daily. He said, "Well, I won't make the mistake of confusing you anymore." That was over a year ago and he never said "I love you" again. (sure wish I had kept my mouth shut on that one!)
As far as money, we are both professionals and his earnings are only a few dollars more than my own each week. We have a considerable amount of debt, but he has been paying ahead on bills, rather than letting them go.
