He is probably depressed. I know you know to give him this space.
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gave me new hope.
Hope is never based on anything we see, feel or hear.
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I have to start focusing on me
YES - FOCUS on YOU. FOCUS on YOU.
I know that you will do this Mila!
Keep your spirits up dear...you have come so far.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Someone, on your thread I think, said just because they are not visible doesn't mean they are not working on themselves in their tunnel.
That gave me renewed hope and it should for you too. When they go quiet and disappear we always assume the worse and actually not communicating gives him space to heal. He has to withdraw to find that space.
Libby, thank you. I think that you are right....his "reflection" is probably not going to change anything about the affair at this point. They both just made a giant step and interestingly they were both cut off from cake eating. I went dark & her H told her to move everything of hers out, and not to come to the house accept to pick up the kids, that he is done and is filing for a divorce. Apparently she was not in a good shape when he told her. The finality & consequences are maybe hitting home.
Whatever, let them spin in the wind...I'm concentrating on myself...at least trying LOL
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
I'm OK today, not great but OK. I guess that I'm still digesting the last R disappointment.
Working on my GAL list to start with. To a certain degree it's soothing to "go dark" and not to have to deal with WH right now, I just wish I didn't think about him so much. I wish that I was at the point that I don't miss him.
Unfortunately his last flip flop really threw me off my path. Still finding my way back...but I will get there
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Last night I was re-reading "Private Lies"...reminded me that the chances of survival of the Affair are slim....gave me new hope.
Never read it. Come on, give us some quotes to get us some hope for the night.
My H M me and I guess I was an A... I'm back and forth with this one - either he re-wrote marital history to MIL and said I was an A, or he was telling me the truth... in any case, we've been together 12 years, so I wonder if he's likely to think this A will be long term. I looked for stats, but they're not out there. Stupid, right? Everyone is different and even if 1/2 of 1% survive, it doesn't mean he won't be in that small minority... but I still want to believe. LOL. Guess I'm still in anger stage.
Your H may be throwing a fit to try to get to you - oh, yeah, she doesn't want to speak to me, well I won't speak to her. Kind of like someone posted on my thread - if you're not going to play by my rules, I'm going to take my ball and go home.
Whatever, let them spin in the wind...I'm concentrating on myself...at least trying LOL
Mila, just remember that this is a process. When you find yourself obsessing about H and wondering what he's doing or how to get him back, know that you should refocus on you, but don't be upset... it's part of the process, it doesn't happen overnight.
MH - google this "Private lies: infidelity and the betrayal of intimacy" by Frank Pittman and you will find a preview of the book, this is available for public viewing, it's not the whole book.
There is also a good article by Frank Pitman on psychologytoday.com it's called Beyond Betrayal: Life After Infidelity
Here is a sample from it:
Surely the craziest and most destructive form of infidelity is the temporary insanity of falling in love. You do this, not when you meet somebody wonderful (wonderful people don't screw around with married people) but when you are going through a crisis in your own life, can't continue living your life, and aren't quite ready for suicide yet.
Romantic affairs lead to a great many divorces, suicides, homicides, heart attacks, and strokes, but not to very many successful remarriages. No matter how many sacrifices you make to keep the love alive, no matter how many sacrifices your family and children make for this crazy relationship, it will gradually burn itself out when there is nothing more to sacrifice to it. Then you must face not only the wreckage of several lives, but the original depression from which the affair was an insane flight into escape.
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Your H may be throwing a fit to try to get to you - oh, yeah, she doesn't want to speak to me, well I won't speak to her. Kind of like someone posted on my thread - if you're not going to play by my rules, I'm going to take my ball and go home.
That though crossed my mind....actually that's very likely
There are few other reasons that I can think of.
1) He is giving me what I asked for, respecting my wishes 2) He doesn't really care if he talks to me or not 3) He is back deep in his tunnel reflecting
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
(((Mila))) Your grace, dignity and style are an inspiration.
It is human nature to want what we can't have. By being dark with your H I believe he will then begin thinking about what he's giving up and realize that he is a FOOL.
It will take some time for this to happen, but use it to focus on you. Continue to GAL and remain mysterious. I predict that as attached to you as your H seems to be this will make him turn his focus on you wondering what you're doing, and ow will eventually be in your shoes.
Have a great weekend, and remember it's all about you!
