The journey begins

[ClingingToHope]

After five hours of poker I came out even. For me, that's a victory.

It was fun to have everyone over. We've played dozens of times at the house. But this is a nice place too.

The only thing that could have been better tonight was a Star Trek transporter so I could transport myself to Iowa and get in line at the BobbiJo kissing booth.

Oh well, I can dream.

[BobbiJo]

It's okay, I haven't built the booth yet...
Ironically enough Captain Kirk was supposedly from Iowa!

Good job on the poker, I always consider breaking even a win.

[ClingingToHope]

Not much to report today. I slept in. Worked out casually. Took a shower. It's cold so there's not much to do so I headed in to work to get ahead for the week.

I have a couple of fun things planned tonight.

I posted this in another forum. Sunday is the one year anniversary of me getting kicked out. It happened on Mother's Day last year.

Time truly does heal. I like my townhouse. I'm pulling myself together again at work. I am excited -- actually excited -- about my financial plan to handle things post D. I have second jobs to help me through the year that help me get in shape and socialize.

And I've found a number of different things to do and that should only grow with more time.

I woke up this morning truly proud of myself.

My STBXW? This will be her trying year, what with selling the house, paying off the mounting legal credit card bills, dealing with the finality of the D with the girls. If the house sells then she has to move into a smaller place. It'll be interesting to see how she turns out.

Tomorrow I am going to church, visit my mother at the cemetery and, if the weather is good, play tennis. If it's bad, I'm going shopping to spend some of the gift cards my sister sent me.

I'm sure the D process will intrude on my peace and we do have a big tax bill to get paid and of course there are summer camps to worry about.

But I can counter those down times with softball, time with the girls, my singles group through church, golf, Sunday bags game at a friend's house, trips to Chicago to see friends, poker nights when nothing else pans out and -- someday a new love interest.

The grass is greener where I stand.

[BobbiJo]

Very well said...good for you!

[Gardener]

The only thing that could have been better tonight was a Star Trek transporter so I could transport myself to Iowa and get in line at the BobbiJo kissing booth.

A BobbiJo kissing booth? When/How did I miss that?("Hello, Priceline, Expedia...")

[poet]

Just waving Clinging,

Not much to say today. Trying to get emotionally psyched up for the hearing tomorrow. Staying in, chilling out and resting. Thanks for posting on my thread.

poet

[ClingingToHope]

Good luck Poet.

Sooooo it's been a year. Wow. Last Mother's Day STBXW got into an argument with D11 about homework at 9 p.m. She then came down to yell at me about it. I was sick as a dog and would have been asleep, but I was still up finishing laundry. So when she started yelling at me I got defensive. I know now that's the WORST thing I can do. When the significant other is mad like that it's best to just let the anger dissipate and then deal with the issue later. When I got defensive everything just mushroomed and ... I packed some things and left.

Last night was fun. I went and watched a friend practice a comedy routine. He's going to try some open mic nights in Chicago.

I was tired but still I headed out -- and I had a good time. I met one of the TV reporters in town. They were having a birthday party so a bunch of them were there. She recognized me because our newspaper with this station where our reporters go on TV sometime.

So we talked for quite a while. She is exactly my type. Medium height -- she's actually shorter, about 5-2, brown eyes, brown hair. I have nothing against beautiful blondes like BobbiJo. It's just that when I was in college I went through all of the women that I'd dated and I noticed a trend, brown hair, brown eyed girls find me attractive. I pursued a lot of blondes but it was usually fruitless.

So basically I started just looking for the brown hair, brown eyed type and sure enough my college girlfriend was a 5-3, brown haired brown eyed girl. The serious girlfriend before STBXW was the same way and STBXW was a brown hair, brown eyed beauty.

Eventually the bar closed and I headed home.

Today I sent a Facebook friend request to her and she accepted.

I still don't know the "modern" rules of dating. I sent her a message saying last night was fun and wondering how often she can get out because of her career.

And of course I'm still married -- and I still don't know what is right and isn't right in my situation.

I had perhaps too much fun last night because I had zero energy today. I did make it to church. Then I took a nap. Then I went shopping. Then I laid down for a while. Then I took a long walk and lifted weights for a bit.

In this year I've made big deals of every little milestone or special day. Today, oh well. It means now I've been through a lot of things -- the holidays, the school stuff, etc. So there's not as much uncharted territory.

There is still a lot of pain coming. The actual D. Waking up officially single. STBXW eventually will find someone else -- I don't think she has yet, but I could be wrong. When the family house sells. I have to admit, I did get a little choked up on the walk. I must be the only person in the world without an Ipod. On walks or runs, it's just me and my thoughts.

For me, there's some exciting things ahead. Someone new. Moving someday from a townhouse to a house.

Couple other things. D11 called around 7:30 p.m. I took the girls to a small zoo the last weekend I had them. The zoo was having a contest to name a baby lama. D11 found out today that they picked her name. So she gets free tickets (they are only $5) and a picture with the lama.

It was nice to talk to her. We don't have long talks on the phone though. After that she went back to watching a movie.

The phone rang again around 8:50 p.m. I decided not to answer because likely it was STBXW since the girls should be asleep by then. So she sent me a text. STBXW wants to know if the girls can stay here Monday night until bedtime so she can stay late at work. She has to fire someone.

I waited a while before answering. This is cake-eating, but it means more time with the girls. I kind of have a rule of thumb on this. If she offers me more time so she can work I say yes. If I think it's a bogus offer so she can go out and party then I say no. Someday I may not care but I still do.

I have a financial class on Mondays, but I can skip it. I don't really want to see her though so I responded that I can skip the class, but why not just let the girls stay the night then. She hasn't responded.

One thing we haven't discussed is D7's conference tomorrow. It's at 3 p.m. I really don't want to go. I haven't decided. D7 is doing fine and it'd mean I won't have to see STBXW for -- I'm not sure when I'd have to see her again.

You know, I liked my line in my prior post.

The grass is greener where I stand.

[ClingingToHope]

Well, I won't be able to avoid STBXW this week. I've decided to go to the conference. Hey, I get a bonus night with the girls. I may have a softball game, but I'll just bring them with.

After this thing the next time I HAVE to see STBXW is ... I'm not sure. Could I be lucky enough not to see her until June?

[ImprovedRomeo]

CTH, I agree with your approach. Whatever you do to help 'her' really should depend on if you WANT to do it. While helping the other parent goes both ways i.e. she may help you out too but you shouldn't go out of your way to accomodate every request. Let her feel the pressure of asking...not assuming you will.

Have you found that it's easier on you when you don't see her? In my case I'm kinda numb from the whole experience, I haven't seen her for almost a month but I'll see her in a couple of days at the court mediation meeting. We'll see how that goes.

I don't post as often but I read your thread every day. Have fun at the softball game and enjoy the extra time with the kids. I'm glad you're GALing well!

[ClingingToHope]

Uneventful meeting. I said maybe two things. I let STBXW do all of the talking. She looked over at me a few times and continuously rubbed her hands together like she was anxious. I did not make eye contact.

I know the DB rules are to shine. But another DB rule is to stop doing what isn't working.

For a long, long time I've been trying to win her back with kindness. Now I just want her to be as little part of my life as possible with two small children.

Christmas at her mom's? No. I'll have the kids in the morning this year. I'll drop them off at the MIL's and then I'll go ... who knows. Maybe I'll hit a casino and play cards.

Birthdays together? No. I'll do the big thing on my weekend and then drop them off and go do ... who knows.

Here's how I see it in my head. I have lots of friends. I have no shortage of friends. I want and thought she was the one special friend that I could confide in, who'd always have my back and I'd always have hers.

She doesn't want that, but she doesn't get to pick what she can have from me.

With STBXW it's all or nothing. She doesn't want it all then she'll get next to nothing.