embracing change

[flowmom]

Thanks so much for your post June. I'm trying to let it sink in.

I was talking about how this is affecting the children tonight with my parents, and the minute they left I started crying. I started to feel that desperation about H...that feeling that I would endure anything short of physical abuse in our M to restore an intact family to my children. They don't need their parents to have a perfect M or to be personally fulfilled, they just need us to all be together. And now I'm trying to remind myself that I don't even have the option of making that deal with the devil...even that's outside of my realm of control. I am still struggling with a lot of guilt about this. I see so starkly every time I let my hurt lead me to present a harsh side to H. I still believe that I could have prevented this situation with better coping and relationship skills. I know that there's nothing I can do about that now, but it weighs on me. Either I'm at fault for not being a better wife, or I'm at fault for choosing the wrong man to father my children. I'm writing honestly about how I feel here.

Thanks for your post Geomom. I'm good at writing lists but not good at doing the tasks on them .