Is this piecing?

[Freckle6]

Try not to take what S said personally. He had one night where Dad was probably catering to his every whim and it was like having a birthday party in Disneyland on Christmas day. My S has said those sort of things that cut like a knife too, but you have to understand they're little and well, they're very "in the moment".

I know it hurts, honey, but you're not losing S. You are the only mom he will ever have. No one and nothing can ever change that fact. He is yours and you are his, forever and ever and ever.

NY doesn't do joint custody. Maybe if both parties specifically request it, but it's not standard. We have joint legal custody, but I have primary physical custody. If no visitation is spelled out already, it is the standalone every other weekend deal. We worked it out differently and H has S every friday night (I work my 2nd job that night) until 12 noon Sat.. A few months into it he asked for more time and we did two nights every other week (fri & Sat.) In the D he requested 2 nonconsecutive weeks (like vacations), but has never ever asked for that time and I have never mentioned it either.

Oh, and until recently, Sunday afternoons after a two night sleepover was known through out my family as meltdown time. It meant we never planned anything (family dinners, parties, etc.) for then because S would almost always have some sort of meltdown after coming back home. I think it was a combo of being tired and the transition and all of it overwhelms them at times.

Another single mom once told me that they do this back home because it's safe there. You didn't leave S. H did so S (subconsciously because they're not *that* smart) will be on his best behavior with H because S is afraid if he's not, that Dad will spend less time with him. On the other hand, you haven't gone anywhere. Even when S goes overnight, he knows you're home waiting for him (that little kid egocentric thing...) so some of that less than perfect behavior he was holding in with D bursts out once he's back home with you because you're safe. You're mom and mommy didn't move away to a new home away from me. Mommy's here and takes care of me everyday and I can just be me here because she won't leave me like Dad did.

This is the reason you have to pull it together, Hope. When he's home, be the safe place for him. If he says stuff that upsets you like he did, don't let him see it get to you. You don't want him to feel torn between you two or like he has to choose. My S always would say he missed his Dad or he wanted to be with his Dad. I would jsut tell him, "I know you do. I bet he misses you too." when I was thinking lots of other not nice things.

Deal with the actual custody stuff as it comes. Remember, don't borrow trouble! You've mentioned that your H has blown off visitations at your place often. You really think he wants to give up all his free, single man, airplane flying time to do the parenting drudgery like baths, meals, laundry, wiping runny noses, and more laundry?

One day at a time...