WAH Comes Back Home in the Middle of the Night

[MAL]

{{{Cathy}}}

I know you are struggling right now, and I'm so sorry for what you are going through.

Yes, the ties to OW ARE breakable!! You know that because he came home. He is confused and he doesn't understand all the feelings he is experiencing. Unfortunately, you can't understand them either.

If you look on this bb, or you read, when you see a WAS that came home, and stayed, they usually don't regret it.

I saw something somewhere...I may have the numbers wrong, but it went something like this.....
When a couple split up, then came back together to work on the M. If you asked them in 5 years were they happy? Approximately 90% were happier and are glad they stayed to work on the M. (I think I have that % right.)

If you look at the stories on the bb, there are men who stuck it out, and they are so much happier. They talk about how they didn't know what they were doing, how confused they were, like someone else took over their body and they had no control. That is why we call them aliens, because it seems like someone else has control over their minds.

That is where your H is right now. He doesn't understand who he is or why he is in the spot he is in. Add depression and guilt, and he is probably very messed up.

This is the time when he needs your love the most!! I know it's hard when you feel betrayed, when you don't trust him, and when he keeps hurting you. But YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

If you were bothered by something he did, what would you normally do? Then do a 180. Become a person he would want to be with.

I know sometimes that feels like letting yourself be the doormat. But if being a doormat for a little while saves your M, would it be worth it? I don't think you're being a doormat though. I think you are fighting and trying to have faith. And I think you are doing a fantastic job!!

Why don't you wait and see if he explains where he was? Then take it from there. Whatever you do, don't push. Because you could push him right out the door. He's watching you too, to see how you react, how you've changed. He's going to want "walking talking perfection" from you. That's impossible to be, I know. Yet, I think you can be pretty darn close to it. Don't give him a reason to blame you for his confusion or for him giving up, okay?

I hope this is making sense.

I know the pain you are feeling right now. Now reach down inside, find that unconditional love, and give it to him. Isn't he worth it??

Hang in there! I'm keeping you in my prayers.