It's understandable that you have the thoughts and emotions about your M and your H. I feel the same way about my W- that she's done and there's nothing I can do about it. However, your flight plan for now should include just focusing on yourself and the kids and GAL. Which you're already doing really well, just keep it up. You're a smart chick! I value your advice so just believe in yourself through these times.
((FM))
Last edited by StupidRomeo; 05/03/1002:47 AM.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
FM-loved your outfit! And your mom sounds like a kick! I relate to the surreal feeling and question of "How did I end up here?" but the next question to ask ourselves (everyone in their sitches) is "Where do I want to go?" I think...but should leave the deep thinking to you, FM, because you are so good at it!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Glad you have been able to get out and GAL a bit! Dont worry about bursting into occasional tears you will soon get used to making up daft but believable excuses for these moments if H appears at an inopportune moment! I bawled my eyes out listening to someone singing "tell me on a sunday" I love that song but its the first time Ive heard since H went awal and oohhh it hurt, but a good blubber never hurt anyone! and thankfully for me no H about all though I will have to watch if that song comes up again lol!
____________________________
W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Very glad for your night out- it sounded really fun! And so happy your visit with parents is going so well- family can be great... when they're great
You sound very calm and centered right now and I'm hoping you're also feeling that inside yourself. I don't see as much "flo caretaking" mentioned as you used to write about (chanting, etc) and hope you're still doing it while caretaking everyone else- here and at home
-Alice
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
Last tuesday marked a third of a year since the separation started. More than ever, it seems futile to deny the inevitability of divorce. I haven't been tossed a crumb of hope in 4 months. Not sure I would consider myself even DBing any more. I'm sticking to pleasant and polite coparenting with H, but I'm not putting any effort into my interactions with him.
Last Wednesday was hard. I spent the entire day at a day camp with the children...which involved spending large chunks of the day in close proximity with V and her children. Yup it was awkward. But I was proud of how I handled it. I refused to skulk around and avoid her. I decide that I wouldn't let her presence affect where I sat, stood, etc. I didn't seek out conversation with her, but I didn't avoid eye contact either. I still can't imagine why H would pick her as a lover -- not that there's anything wrong with her, just a wierd choice given everything. But I also have trouble imagining that she would act so wierd around me if it was anything less than sex.
Yesterday was a good day in the field. I had a new field assistant. I know a single middle-aged guy now! Too bad he has no personality or sex appeal. Yes, I am pretty picky. I don't expect a guy to look like a GQ model or have tons of money, but stimulating conversation is non-negotiable (and always sexy). Does it sound like I'm on the prowl? I'm not. The idea of a new R is pretty ick. I just would like some proof that there are appealing men out there who might reciprocate my interest.
My parents are still visiting and that's taking up a lot of time. That's been nice but it has drawn focus away from pursuing self care and goals. OTOH, I've done some fun activities with them and that's been good.
I feel a bit discouraged about restarting IC. It just seems like SO much time and money. I feel that I should, but not very motivated.
Still stalled on procrastination. And no progress made on the getting ready to drop the rope tasks.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Sorry to hear about things will hubby. Sounds like though you are focused and clear sighted on how you should handle things.
Seems like you handled the V sitch very well. Ugg!
I admire you strength and resolve. Many seem to crumble and fall totally apart but you have seemed to really manage to keep it all together despite the hardest time of your life.
I hope for forward movement for you. Not really in a specific direction but forward from this yucky predicament you are in. Limbo is the worst
So sorry. Hugs
Last edited by june72; 05/07/1011:41 PM.
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
Last Wednesday was hard. I spent the entire day at a day camp with the children...which involved spending large chunks of the day in close proximity with V and her children. Yup it was awkward. But I was proud of how I handled it. I refused to skulk around and avoid her. I decide that I wouldn't let her presence affect where I sat, stood, etc. I didn't seek out conversation with her, but I didn't avoid eye contact either. I still can't imagine why H would pick her as a lover -- not that there's anything wrong with her, just a wierd choice given everything. But I also have trouble imagining that she would act so wierd around me if it was anything less than sex.
Proud of you for this. You're a class act.
Originally Posted By: flowmom
Yesterday was a good day in the field. I had a new field assistant. I know a single middle-aged guy now! Too bad he has no personality or sex appeal. Yes, I am pretty picky. I don't expect a guy to look like a GQ model or have tons of money, but stimulating conversation is non-negotiable (and always sexy). Does it sound like I'm on the prowl? I'm not. The idea of a new R is pretty ick. I just would like some proof that there are appealing men out there who might reciprocate my interest.
Well, there's plenty of us on these boards (he said, humbly), so there's gotta be plenty of us kinda guys out there, too (he said hoping there's plenty of you kinda gals out there, too!)
Gardener
"My soul, be satisfied with flowers, With fruit, with weeds even; but gather them In the one garden you may call your own." Cyrano deBergerac
